whats wrong with my son in law

by Dale Anderson
(Hanford CA)

I have employed my son in law for the past three years. He was wanting to get into my field when he graduated from college but he has not performed well in college so I terminated his employment and assisted him in finding work. We looked for work for the past several months and then he became employed with another company. At that time all hell broke loose. At first we thought he had the flu but after a month of his continuous nausea and vomiting we know it's not. He has wracked up thousands of dollars seeing doctors and he lost the job. He now has an opportunity for another job but I am afraid he will sabotage that one as well. I am at a loss as to what to do. I am very angry at him but Know people can subconsciously sabotage. He is hurting his wife and son who are trying desperately to help him. We are at a loss as to what to do. One side I want to send him back to his mother (he is 30 by the way) and the other side I want to help him and his family during this trying time. I don't want to enable but know that I have. How should I handle this dilemma?

Ben's Response:

This sounds like severe anxiety. Nausea, vomiting, GI problems and performance problems can all be caused by anxiety. An issue like that needs the proper help, and any intense pressure, or shame will only make it much worse. A person can suffer from severe anxiety symptoms and not recognize that anxiety is the core issue (because it can manifest as very physical symptoms). At the same time, avoiding things, and become isolated will also make things worse, so going to live with his mother is probably not going to end well. There are many things a person can do to help anxiety. I would strongly recommend that he see a good therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders.

Best Wishes,
Ben