by Drew
(Springfield Oregon )
I have been diagnosed as schizoaffective disorder. I was a person who was raised Christian until i started thinking logically - that was around age of 15 - so i stopped going, became anti religion. I was a very antisocial. i had alot of anger, low self esteem, suicidal thoughts, tried to end my life so many times i lost count, multiple stays at the psych ward where i was more comfortable in there than i was on the outside. Tried suicide by cop twice. You would think they wouldn't miss out on an opportunity to kill a black man.
I had 3 kids, all girls, then 5 days after my third daughter was born i had a spiritual awakening. The doctor's call it psychosis but what i felt was unlike anything... like a mother's love. I was sitting on my bed playing xbox talking to my brother online and i have this warm feeling come down from the top of my head. I immediately started to cry but i was saddened. Then i started to hear a voice telling me all these positive things like I'm the one the voice was also telling everything i had gone through was for a reason, and that i will be rewarded. I was hearing a woman's voice - one that was unusual for me to hear because my usual psychosis was always 3 voices but this time - who ever was in that room - i could hear what i thought was there consciousness, but they told me not to talk out loud because you won't make any sense, but i couldn't help it myself whatever the voice told me to do i did with out hesitation... it told me to get a lottery ticket and to make sure it has the number 667 but don't pick the number at the time... didn't make any sense but i went to the gas station got the ticket and sure enough it has 667 in it. I realized that my 1st daughter was born 6/06/07 my second was born on march 6 and my third daughter was born on September 7. That tripped me out.
During all this time i felt genuine love from the world. I saw the good in people i wanted peace, no anger, I stopped drinking, and smoking weed which i would never do, and i stopped cigarettes all in one day. I was giving my money away going to church which i hadn't done since i was 15, but i was speaking to people telling my story which i would never do. I had Kanye West confidence. I had vivid dreams, then heard the