My 5 year relationship was not healthy and I somewhat wanted to let go but I couldn't. I was in therapy when he left me without notice. He moved in with a woman and married. I have been devastated ever since. He says he made a mistake wanted to move in and I said no. We continue to talk but I don't want him back. I'm terribly bitter, jealous and full of anxiety. I can't let go. What is this condition? I'm not in therapy. How can I help myself?
It sounds like you have already identified the problem: you are bitter, jealous and anxious. You are still hurt that he left you and married another woman, and now wants you back. It feels like a betrayal, and now he wants you to open up and trust him again, and you still haven't processed your hurt feelings from when he left you. You need to process those feelings - about the hurt and devastation you felt when he left you for someone else. I would guess there is also a lot of anger there. Buried and suppressed anger is a common source of anxiety.
The best way I can suggest for you to help yourself with this, is EFT (Tapping). It's the most rapid and effective way I know for releasing negative emotions and trauma.
There's info about how to use EFT Tapping on the website, as well as my other site: www.tapping-coach.com.
I can also work with you by phone or skype to help you get the most out of using EFT Tapping. Just let me know.
Ben Schwarcz, MFT