wanting a dad.....

by Krissy

Recently ive wanted to have a father....
when i was little my mom gave me up to my grandma and now its just me and her, dont get me wrong i have a great life nice house, nice clothes, nice things, go to a great school.... but i cant stop thinking about how my life would be diffrent if i had a mom and dad and the whole family thing. why now do i want this? im about to turn 15 and enter my sophmore year of high school.

Ben's Answer:
You want dad because you're a normal human being, and every child wants a dad. Lots of people have fathers who are never around, or who ignore them, or drink all the time, and they may also feel like they don't have a father. But they at least still often get something positive from having a father figure in their life.

Your desire for a father is totally normal. Even the best mother in the world can't replace the positive impact of having a caring, attentive, loving father in your life. There are things that you get from the masculine influence that are different than the feminine. Getting both, helps us to be balanced, mature human beings. Having a good father is what helps a girl to understand men later in life.

It's so important to have healthy adult role models in your life, even if they are not your parents. It can make up for a lot. A teacher, a coach, an uncle, a cousin - even an older brother, or a trusted friend. There's nothing wrong with seeking out a father figure in your life to replace the father that you don't have. Recognizing this early in your life can save you from a lifetime of mindlessly searching for the ideal man (partner) to replace your absent father. Now is the best time in your life to find a male role model to look up to.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

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