Vision Quest September 2011
(Sebastopol, CA, USA )
I've had these "experiences" off and on for years beginning in 2008. This particular episode began with two beers on an empty stomach in early September 2011. That gets me high and happy fast (although not as high or as fast as marijuana which i haven't used for over a year for just that reason). I visited with a friend for a while before we drove into town for lunch. Our conversation was energetic and loving but as we drove closer to town i began to experience greater levels of fear. She seemed very tuned into me and began kinda guiding me through my fears, saying things like,"Yep we are about to enter a bigger stream (of energy: bigger road with more cars)". as if encouraging me to open to the flow of bigger energy. From that moment on i kinda felt like she was guiding and caring for me. So we get to the restaurant and luckily it's just before closing so there aren't that many customers. We continued talking and before I know it I'm crying in public but it feels okay. She would make certain comments that would affect me in an incredibly deep way and I would feel my heart opening and my energy grounding to the planet. There was a lot of love in spite of the various energies and thoughts I was experiencing as well. When I felt that I was truly experiencing higher consciousness it would seem like the person talking to me (didn't matter who) was God talking to me through that person. When I was in a lower consciousness I felt insecure and looked to others(God) to guide me. I also was looking to other people as cues as to whether i was in a higher or lower state of consciousness.
I get home and I'm pretty tired of this stupid cycle of yo-yo consciousness (experiencing incredible beauty and love and then reacting to that and experiencing terror and self-loathing) so i call a cat i know who does energy work and ask him to activate me. He says some things that cause me to freak out totally to the point where i think he or one of his cohorts is going to try to take my soul or something while i'm sleeping and so i don't go to sleep. And BAM! I'm off and running towards a total manic episode with incredible highs and terrifying lows that lasts a week or so.
One thing that happened was i felt connected to my Brother on a deep level and i tried to maintain that energetic connection that seemed to involve the upper portion of my spine as i drove out of the town he lives in and towards the town i live in. Focusing on that and on grounding down to the earth through the soles of my feet i was really solid. I'm 6'1" with a deep voice and my mom who was with me in the car said something funny. When i laughed and responded i sounded like a giant. It was the deepest i'd ever heard my own voice and it felt incredibly powerful.
As scary and as weird as these experiences can be, there's a part of me that misses them because there are some pretty profound experiences that occur as well.
Thanks for sharing your story!
There is always something meaningful and real within every experience, and the energy surge that comes with mania can push us to places beyond our normal ego-boundaries. Just like after "Vision Quest" - the hardest part is coming back down to earth and integrating the experience, continuing to grow from whatever insights and truths you opened up to.
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