Under the Gun!

by Dale
(Detroit)

There's many things that are hard to get a handle on. But there is one inparticular that I just can't seem to get a grasp on.

About six years ago my sister fired a loaded weapon off outside of my house as a way of threatening me. We got into a bit of an argument at her house. She told me to get out and never come back. I left. Two hours later she was drunk and stoned outside of my house firing a gun off threatening to kill me.

See, we come from a family of people with long ethnic names. All I said in the argument was that her (and my other sister) changed their long ethnic names long ago and now they act like they're better than where they come from (which in my opinion I believe is true).

I really feel threatening me with a weapon was definitely crossing the line.

I didn't call the police (which I now regret). Instead I asked my family for help in dealing with her drug problem and short fuse. Long story short, they chose her side.

You see, her husband is a great mechanic....he fixes their cars for free....rewires their basements...does drywall....lays cement for their driveways.

She uses that as kind of a bribery tool and my family eats it up.

They come up to me and say "Don't be such a baby"...."Get over it"..."Don't be so sensitive"....Sensitive? The Witch with a capitol B tried to kill me!

It's been six years since I've been to a Christmas get together...or any family get together for that matter. They don't even invite me anymore. I've seen my sister once or twice since then. She just sits there with a smirk on her face enjoying it all. She's not apologetic. She's not sorry for what she has done.

When I try to discuss this with family members they quickly change the subject or act surprised that I still bring it up.

I'm done with this family. I feel there's no loyalty towards me and I don't know why.

I think about this situation a lot and there's just no way to get closure on it since every family member I try to talk to is so apathetic.

So how do I get closure? Or at least find a way to stop thinking about it and carry on hoping for new friends that I can call family?

Thanks, Dale

Ben's Answer:
When you have a family as dysfunctional as this, it often becomes nearly impossible to reconcile directly with them. If they are in denial, or choose not to see what's in front of their faces, there is little you can do with them. I'd say threats of death, and shooting off guns should rank high as a reason to detach from them.

So the work of letting go of the past lies with you alone. Letting go of family or friends that are no longer good for you, is like dealing with a death. There is grief. Often anger, hurt, feelings of rejection, sadness, guilt. Working through this in therapy is a great place to start. And as always, I strongly recommend using EFT/Meridian Tapping as a powerful method to help release these emotions and negative thoughts that keep you tied to the past. I've seen incredible transformations in people when they use EFT to let things go.

Best Wishes,
Ben Schwarcz