Torn

by Ida
(Norway)

This is a poem or whatever, that I made, it expresses my feelings from when I was really depressed a couple of months ago. The drawing I made is from a few years back when I was 16 and expressed myself through drawing. Unfortunately After starting on the drug Cipralex, I've lost my interest and artistic skills, I don't really know what happened. But I hope I will start drawing again soon, its a great way of expressing myself and it's great therapy.


"Torn"


Dragged to both places, I'm about to break
not sadness not happiness. In between. Hate it
ugly feeling, fuck these pills,
fuck this therapy
doesn't work
7 years, 4 pills a day, wont keep the doctor away
not getting better
all I want is to live normal,
all fucked up and drugged,
nothing ever helps, but alcohol loves me
bad luck is what I'm cursed with
wish I could switch life with someone that needs these riches more than me.
What's this shit?
Want to blow my head off with a shotgun.
Not have to think again cause then i have no brain.
dead and cold thats what i dream of
wish this was physical. Then i could amputate it
ugly piece of shit rotting in my own misery
this shouldn't happen to anyone, especially not to someone who can almost get everything that they want. Replace me with a poor child in Africa, at least i'll have a reason for feeling like shit. and give a chance to someone who maybe could appreciate living more than me.
I'm such a fucking failure, ugly ass shit, trying to act normal, trying not to tell anyone i wanna kill myself cause then they wont give me money or let me out of sight so i can get fucked up and feel better for a while.

i get lucky some times, thanks. but then afterwards i have to pay for it. big time.
maybe you say that i need love, one person that can hold you and always be there holding your hand through the night.When i'm lucky enough to get that, i cant appreciate it, it doesn't seem fair. always fucking things up, people get sick of me. I'm such a failure. I need drugs. anything . i need some kind of relief from this feeling, can't explain. i wanna get my sadness out, express it. but fuck these pills who should make me happy and make me feel alright, i'm fighting against it. wanna feel the true me now, been drugged up for 7 years, lost myself and i am nowhere to be found.
give me my fucking life back, I need myself.
Get in touch, been fucking long since i've met myself.
what am i really like?
fuck this shit couldn't care less about myself or what i do, self destruction, that's my hobby
why act like you care bitch? leave me alone, cant shake this feeling of hate for life.
i'll go to sleep now, wake me up when theres money, sex, alcohol and drugs in the picture.
so give me money so i can get fucked up.