Three shades of Orange

by amanda
(northern california)

metamorphosis

A seeker, mother, wife, daughter, aunt, friend, etc..dropped away from a spontaneous awakening on October 8, 2005. Through the eyes of a catalyst, the Divine entered and it felt like a "love beyond words" never had been experienced. The Gift has stayed with me now since this special night over 9 years ago. In fact, this Gift has led me onto a path of self-inquiry and cleaning up my life. From a "stepford wife" to a conscious and holistic seeker the change was very profound.

A new person had come to live in this body and she had to reparent herself. Remembering a Biblical passage: "And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven". This passage I understood very well because I had become a child again with new eyes and in the body of an adult who had memories as well as many experiences.

I shook for over 4.5 years. My body was responding to this newness and all it could do was shake. New, this was the feeling throughout. I sought a therapist and a psychiatrist to help with the separation my husband and I were now going through. The "awakening" I attribute to finally reaching a point of mental meltdown. Prior to October 8, 2005, my husband, after 24 years wanted a divorce. Numb, this was how I felt. We attempted marriage counseling, but to no avail on his part. No one was good enough. No, I had no idea what was up because I was in total denial of myself. His best friend was in a Triathalon, had a heat stroke and a week later he died. We went to be with his wife and children in the hospital. Days later on October 8, 2005, the awakening happened. Life changed so quickly in that moment as if I leaped off a cliff and dove into a beautiful rainbow. Alive, I am alive. All my senses were heightened. None of this has changed. There had been a void in my soul and this void was filled, completely.

There is so much more to say and share. I have journaled, painted, traveled and sketched, I cannot tell you how amazing these past 9 years have been. To be alive experiencing life is a gift. Never realized the journey would be such an adventure.

I now live over 3000 miles from where I grew up and lived in a former life. There was a need and urgency to start from scratch.

There is grief over the past life sometimes and a desire for those whom I left would understand and support the "awakening" I went through and still am going through.