by terry
(united kingdom)

Hi thankyou for your advice you gave me some time ago, Im still seeing the same therapist as i confronted him with my concerns and he conviced me it was all in my mind and he meant nothing in it, which I believed but as time has gone on I feel a stronger bond to him than before, I feel totally attached to him.I have told him how I feel and that it feels strange and frightening how much I feel for him I also said I wanted to see another therapist perhaps a women. He said I should stay with him which I have.I also told him that I feel he belongs to me I thought he would tell me that was wrong but he said I am yours. Which I thought was strange.he also sat there smiling at me and when I asked him wot he was smiling at he said I was thinking how lovely you are. Im begining to think maybe I was wrong about him and he is just trying to help. can you please give me some more advice about this. hope to hear from you soon Teresa.

Ben's Answer:

Sorry for the long delay in answering. (I've been inundated with questions). I have to say, from your description, I find this to be a little inappropriate on the part of your therapist. If you say you want to see a woman therapist, your therapist has no right to say you "should" see him instead. He could explore this with and discuss the pros and cons of staying with him; but only you have the authority to say what your "should" do. His comment that "I am yours" sounds like a romantic comment, not a professional one. And his smiling and saying how lovely you are seems like another self-gratifying statement that has nothing to do with his helping you to come to a decision that serves your best interest. He seems to get off on how attached you are to him, rather than helping you to make sense of those feelings. It is a therapists job to help a client become a strong, independent, individual, not to foster their dependence on them.

Just my impressions. Be your own authority.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

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