Stressful fetish

This is a situation you've never encountered before that seems incredibly bizarre. Perhaps you won't know what to suggest, but I am desperate because it causes so much inconvenience and stress to me in my daily life. I am 16. The problem is that I have a urination fetish - whenever I urinate, I get an erection. You can imagine how frustrating and embarrassing such a situation that is. I know why this has come about; because when I first began to explore my sexuality aged 12, much of it centered around urinating and I deliberately aroused myself at such times. I conditioned myself. But right from the beginning, it's been a problem. I don't watch pornography or fantasize about urination (except involuntarily in my dreams), but it refuses to subside. I am beside myself with worry, and I've spent countless days trying to think of ways to solve this. Obviously, there's no chance of me going to a therapist in person - I don't want to freak out my parents. Would you be able to suggest any techniques for me to solve this problem myself, or cope with the stress of it? Email me if you would like further details.

Ben's Answer:

This is not nearly as strange as you might think it is. It's easy to condition yourself this way - especially when it comes to sexual arousal and early experiences. Whatever you can condition yourself into, you can condition yourself out of.

If you did see a therapist, I think it would probably help you a great deal. The content of your sessions should be confidential, even if you are a minor, and you could make it a a condition of your therapy that the therapist not discuss the details of this issue with your parents. Of course, your parents would have to be supportive and trusting enough to grant you that. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, as well as other forms of psychotherapy could be very effective.

On your own you could try aversive conditioning. That is, while urinating (or even just practicing by visualizing yourself urinating), think of a thing, or a situation that you find unpleasant or repulsive - something that makes you feel the opposite of sexual arousal. This could be an image or experience that you visualize, or an actual unpleasant stimulus like a bad odor or taste. You may have to practice this repeatedly.

It is very likely that you could also get quick results using EFT/Meridian Tapping. This basic technique is easy to learn and is on the "EFT Basics" page of this site. The basic idea is to focus on the problem - visualizing the experience of getting aroused while urinating - and all the feelings associated with that. List all the feelings associated with this (fear, anxiety, shame, embarrassment, arousal, excitement, hopelessness... etc). Then go through the tapping routine, following the format on the basics page, and focusing on each feeling as you tap on each meridian point.

For example, while tapping the karate chop point:
"even though a feel aroused when I urinate, I deeply and completely accept myself." (3x)

Then, tapping 5-10x on each of the 8 points on the diagram - repeat words that describe this specific aspect of the problem - "I get aroused when I urinate"... "I can't urinate without feeling aroused"...."I get an erection when I urinate"... and so on.

You can do several rounds like this if you wish, until moving on to another "aspect" of the issue, like fear or shame. It may be important to address several different aspects of your feelings about this to get the best results. If you get lost or get stuck with this, it may be better to find a therapist who uses EFT and do it with them.

Don't give up on this. There are many fetishes far more "unusual" than this one. You can get rid of it and the younger you are, the easier it will be to resolve it.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

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