Relationship Problems and Pregnant

by Lauren

I am 18 and my bf is 21. we are expecting our first child and this relationship is a constant battle, we fight over EVERYTHING and it isn't getting better, and its always my fault if anything goes wrong in our relationship. Should i stay or should i go?

Is this a worse environment for a child then being raised by a single parent?

Ben's Answer:

This is impossible for me to answer. Lots of couples fight. It's not good for a child. If it's really abusive - verbally, emotionally or physically - and you don't get serious help - like from a therapist - it often gets worse. You don't want to raise a child in an abusive home.

But if there's any desire in both of you to try to make it work, then you owe it to yourselves and you child to get help. A couple's counselor would be the place to start. It has to be a mutual effort. If you're willing to work on making it better and take responsibility for your part - he needs to do the same or it won't work.

But in any case, you'll need help. Nobody can raise a healthy child alone. If you're not with the father, you'll need to find others who can help you.

Wishing you the best,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

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Oct 21, 2010
what I did
by: Anonymous

I was with my boyfriend and I was 19 and he was 22 when we were expecting our first child. We had serious relationship problems and the whole time I was pregnant, I felt alone without him "being there" for me. I had the same feelings that you do about the baby not having her parents have a healthy relationship. These relationship problems continued after the birth of our child. This mind boggled me because I thought that maybe the baby would change him, but it only made it worse because you have more to take care of as a mother when the baby arrives. I finally left the relationship without getting therapy when my daughter was 5 months old. We were broken up for one year. I got back with my baby's father without ever getting therapy with him and now we are having a different kind of problem. He has changed for the better and is nothing like he used to be. He is caring, and a great father. The problem is that I have unresolved emotions with him from the past. I am just now going to talk to somebody. I suggest that you and the father go to couples therapy and If this does not work, you need to leave and make sure the baby is fullfilled with love. If you surround your child with a healthy environment, it will be better for him/her in the long run. I still suggest that if you leave the father that you two take a parenting class together, or at least talk to a therapist because you two have to become civil for this child. If two parents are on the same page ( whether together or not) this can create a peaceful environment for baby. And, you are still young.. remember that.

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