Relationship Honesty

by Thomas Hansen

Before I got married I told my wife I had a threesome with two women, I told her to never ask me this question again. She admitted to me yesterday that she had a threesome with two men. What should be my actions?

Ben's Answer:

If you mean, why didn't she tell you about this after you told her about your sexual adventures, then I would assume she didn't trust you. Men tend to not be judged very much when they have this kind of experience, yet women are often judged very harshly for the same behavior. Maybe she was afraid you wouldn't want to be with her if you knew. Just ask her - and don't make such a big deal out of it. If she had an affair while married to you, that might be another matter to work out - but this is in the past (I assume this was before you had a relationship with her). Just talk to her about your feelings regarding honesty. And tell her how this makes you feel, that she didn't tell you about this. If you want her to be more honest, then you be more honest (about your feelings).

Being "honest" doesn't necessarily mean you should have to tell your partner your whole life history.

Talk it out, and your relationship may be even better than it was before.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz

Click here to post comments

Return to Ask a Therapist.

Share this page:
Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.