Ran around naked / chased my friends wife
by Musa
(Uk)
From the title you can tell this is not a pretty experience when describing the physical aspects of my awakening..
But from the spiritual aspects, i felt as if i was in the presence of god himself...
Complete stillness and contentment with pure joy at finally understanding it.
Ive always been sensitive and prone to depression from a young age, i always want best for people and have never been known to get angry or hurt anyone. Ive always been the shy smiley person happy to get along with anyone.
However my childhood was full of abuse, and in my teens have had many bouts of depression. I just don't choose to spill it on others and keep quite whilst listen to other peoples problems..
My core belief growing up was that anybody could do anything they ever wanted to with the right amount of concentrated effort. I still believe that now.
Prior to awakening experience id studied Buddhism for a few years and meditated on and off since 19. I'm 25 now. I feel this was a really important cause for me having such in depth inner knowledge.
Anyways here's how it went down.
I had stumbled across new age beliefs and they made too much sense to me. I didn't sleep for a few days i was too excited i wrote half a book in a week..
I skipped work and called in sick because i figured out the code of the universe (thought=reality)
I called all my friends to meet for a big announcement.
I went to his house, an i started preaching these theories..which i still mostly believe to be true.
As the day progressed we all smoked weed, and that's when it started happening.
I cant describe it exactly but i felt i was 'in the flow' of divine energy..
I was seeing signs everywhere. My friends were playing a random internet game.. And the voice over of the game said something like " this is your talent you are gifted with, you can step through the door and you will have this gift and nothing will be the same again, or you can choose to end the journey now."
at this stage of the high, i had already established i had this weird ability to speak to people and heal them. Im talking deep wounds, even without the person knowing i was healing them, they would tell me deep deep things about their past, and i would tell them from my deeper self (divine) that everything is going to be ok. And i could see the emotions in there eyes and presence.
Anyways kinda side tracked. On the story, we were all high on weed and my friends were playing this internet game and the voice over in the game was asking me if i wanted to continue this journey by walking through the door or stop now...
Of course i said yes in my mind & i believe that higher consciousness or god or whatever was speaking to me directly through the internet game my friends were playing.
After i accepted this healing gift things got weirder...
That night went even more out of control, i was so wrapped up in this divine energy, that at some point in the high i felt like i was god.. At this stage i really should not have been around these people as they did not know what was going on and didn't look after me...i thought i was god on earth and i had the power to awaken people.. I had a vision of everything that existed in the history of mankind and everything that will one day exist, but it was very quick vision only a minute or two. I saw an ideal way of life, i saw that i save the universe with this divine knowledge (maybe not me personally, but my spirit, which is also your spirit - we are all one). I saw a utopian way of life it really will happen i know it.
Like i said i wish i was around shamans at this stage as opposed to my friends as they really didnt know
At this point i was very deluded, i'd convinced myself i needed to repopulate the earth with enlightened beings, so i got naked and chased my friends wife.. He grabbed me and held me down in the living room... He didn't know what to do so he called my brother to pick me up..
None of those friends speak to me since then, we spoke and i tried to explain but they shouted at me, and basically ignore my calls... Now i dont have any friends, / i'm learning how to socialize again but in a different manner. In a more enlightened way. But it is hard, i find it so hard to make new friends, i'm in a difficult place right now about my social life. I cant find many people to relate too.
That was about 6 months ago, since then had some more amazing spiritual experiences during everyday life that were not whilst i was having any manic episode e.g. Everyday i see signs, to take action. Can be something simple like a billboard, or radio - but i get messages once or twice a day. Message can be about anything, e.g if i really want Italian food, few moments later i'll see an ad for an Italian restaurant. Simple things like that.
But when i was going through the manic episode up until a few weeks after that the messages were all in relation to healing other people. I would get signs that would tell me what that person is suffering. I could read a few people and told them about there own child hood traumas with accuracy.
I healed my mom dad and brothers and sisters. (Not permanently, but i did healing session wit all of them without them realizing. Sister is now at a new job, my brother is realizing his dreams of becoming a fitness personal trainer an working abroad.
I also opened a company and got investment in an idea i've had for about a year ( not working out so well, but i got other ideas) i have a feeling that i was chosen to awaken so i can use my creative and business skills to help other people awaken.
PS. I've never been on meds. Only briefly taken weak antidepressants for about 4 weeks a few years ago but never taken any since.
Going through a bout of depression at the moment, but i know better things are to come.
PS a huge point i forgot to mention, i'm a spiritual therapist/healer now, funny thing is she was Advertised as a normal shrink, but after my awakening, i told her about it and then she revealed to me that she was also awake. I was amazed, she is a great healer. According to her about 20% of therapists she knows are 'awake'. I am so blessed to have her in my life.
Ben's Answer:
Thanks for sharing your experience Musa. It must be hard to lose those friends and not be able to explain what was going on for you. Hopefully you can put that behind you and learn to live in a more balanced state. Smoking weed definitely seems to have contributed to your mania. Even though some people feel it helps them with sleep and mood, for other people it can be extremely risky and trigger mania. It sounds like you were already moving in that direction but this put it over the edge. Remember that one major difference between a spiritually elevated state and a manic state is the ego - the sense of "I am the one - I am the savior - I am special"... and then having an attachment to healing or changing people, saving the world, etc, whereas in the non-manic state there is peace, equanimity, and non-attachment. Lots of valuable lessons and wisdom to gain from your experience. Be sure to take care of yourself, get good sleep and be mindful of your mood and energy. I'm sure you have great things to contribute to the world. Glad you have a good therapist to support you.
Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz
