by charlotte
(south africa)

I have been accused of alluding a negative attitude to those working around me. I do not agree with this apraisal and believe it is more seeing the reality in a given situation. This has undermined my self esteem as I beleive my strentgh is attention to detail seeing why the glass is half full? Can you advise me?

Ben's Answer:

If one person's opinion of you has undermined your self-esteem, then you have to ask yourself why? Anytime someone makes us uncomfortable, it is an opportunity for self-discovery. We grow when we're uncomfortable.

If this person's opinion is totally off-base, and nobody else shares their view of you, then it has nothing to do with you. It's their issue.

But if others have indicated that they feel you are being negative, then you have to listen to that. Even if within yourself you don't feel that you are "negative" - if others feel it from you, then there may be something that is unconscious in you that others perceive.

Maybe "attention to detail" is realistic, and optimistic for you, but is "controlling and rigid" to others.

Only you can really know. It's worth doing some soul-searching.

Best Wishes,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist


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