I have been married to my husband for almost two years. Our relationship started off rocky because we got married after only knowing each other for a month so we didn't really know each other well. We weren't in love when we got married but we both fell in love during the course of our marriage. There were many arguements and mistakes made but we have managed to get past those and continue being together. Recently, we had an arguement in which my husband wanted to leave the house and I wouldn't let him go because I was too afraid that he would not come back. This has happened in the past and I have told him repeatedly that I wouldn't stop him from leaving, but yet I continued to do it. Now, he has been staying down to his mother's house for two days and refuses to come see me, fearing that I would not let him leave again if he did. I am very scared that he will not come back and I don't know how to deal with this situation. He tells me that he probably won't come back and that this will probably be the end of our marriage, but he hasn't said that for sure. I have a feeling that he may still want to come back but is way too hesitant to do so. I feel like I am stuck and don't know what to do. I don't have any family down here because I chose to move here with him and this is where he is from. We are a young couple, me 21 and him 23 and I think my biggest fear is being alone without him here. How can I get past this fear and find the courage to try and move on and give him his space? I have always had issues being alone because all my life both of my parents were in the military and they were always gone, so I never had that family connection like I wanted. I was scared of being alone with my ex as well but not as much as with my husband. I just need some advice on what to do about this situation because the scariest thing for me right now is having to move on without him.
The thing to do is to focus on yourself and finding the courage to be alone. Pressuring your husband before he's ready to come home is not the way to get him back. I can understand how this brings up all kinds of fears and feelings of abandonment for you. The best thing you can do for your own emotional issues in this situation is Meridian Tapping. You can learn to use it for yourself and very quickly relieve fear and sadness around this issue. If you haven't tried it before, just keep an open mind and try it. Don't give up if you don't get results right away. Most people get some results quickly, even the first time, but not always. Focus on whatever emotion or fearful thought you want to get rid of, and speak it out loud as you tap the meridian points. It may bring up more intense emotion at first, but this will quickly subside and if you are persistent, will bring you to a state of peace and inner calm. Once you feel that, you will be in a much better position to make decisions. And more than likely your husband will come home without you even having to pick up the phone.
There's info about Meridian Tapping on this website.
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist