by Robert
(Petaluma, CA)
A year ago, my wife's mother passed away unexpectedly. It was obvious to everyone that my father-in-law couldn't live alone, so I started to convert my office into a bedroom for "Dad." When my wife started looking at nursing homes near us, I was shocked and angry. She told me to let it go, but I didn't - I couldn't. And that's how I learned that my wife had been molested as a child. She says she never would have told me otherwise.
I said in the title that my wife has forgiven him, but that's not the right word. I want to understand her feelings about him now, but I'm not even close. She went through intensive counseling a decade before we met, and she's made peace with all this, somehow. Two years ago, we had our only fight; I had wanted to spend our fifth anniversary together, leaving the kids with their grandparents.
I know you'll recommend therapy, and I'm going to do that. But Ben, I need help NOW. I've never hated anyone before - I didn't really understand what it was. I know now, and it's overwhelming. I had loved this man. I was so sure I knew him - even thought we were alike. I had called him Dad. I'd wanted to name our son after him...
I'm not a violent person. I've never even been in a fight. But now all I do is fantasize about hurting him. I've never had these kinds of thoughts about anyone - they scare me and sicken me, but I can't stop them. If I do manage to go to sleep, I dream a different, gruesome death for him each time.
It's surreal to me now that my