My Therapist Seems Uncomfortable Talking About Sex

by Jenna

I am a female and have been seeing a male therapist for the past 4 years.

He seems uncomfortable when I want to talk about sex. Sometimes he looks as if he is blushing and changes the subject. It makes me feel like I am doing something 'wrong' by wanting to talk about it.

Why would he behave this way?

Ben's Answer:

Maybe he is uncomfortable discussing sex. Or maybe, if this is a new subject that you've brought up in therapy, he's gotten too much in a comfort zone for the past 4 years and you've caught him off guard. In any case, it is absolutely not your fault in any way. Therapy is where you should be able to express all of yourself.

It is the job of a therapist to be unconditionally accepting of your feelings. At the same time, therapists are people, with their own fears and issues. I believe it is a therapist's responsibility to have "done their own work" - meaning they should have had plenty of their own therapy and personal growth experiences, and have ongoing support and consultation in order to keep themselves in good emotional health. But at times, this isn't the case, or an issue comes up that for whatever reason hit's a vulnerable spot for the therapist.

I believe it is totally acceptable to bring this up - to say that you feel shut down by him when you try to talk about sex. I realize this is a vulnerable thing to confront your therapist about, but if you don't, then you may continue to hit this wall in therapy, and find that your relationship with your therapist is hindered. It may be that once you bring it up, you will both move past this and the therapy will improve. Therapy is a relationship and telling your therapist how you feel about him or his behavior is just as important as your therapist confronting you or giving you feedback about your feelings or behavior.

Or if you don't feel safe, or confident enough to have this talk with him, then you might want to consider finding a therapist who doesn't blush when you talk about sex.

Sex is a normal and perfectly acceptable subject to discuss in therapy - it's as simple as that.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT

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Aug 09, 2017
Jenna's Sex Therapy
by: Anonymous

Dear Jenna, in four years you have no doubt paid this therapist a lot of money. Feel free to tune him in and talk about what you want to talk about. I suggest providing the therapist with an agenda at the beginning of the appointment. Put Adult Sex life and the specifics at the very top of the list.

Apr 03, 2014
They need to get it together
by: Anonymous

My therapist was very comfortable bringing up that subject. And comfortable saying some crazy things. And then unconfortable again when I didn't accept his apology for being both offensive and crazy. Weeks later I realized I actually paid for this insane service. Being uncomfortable with sex is not professinol for a therapist. Being too comfortable bringing it up is not normal or moral.

Jun 03, 2013
Thanks Ben
by: Jenna

Thanks Ben.

After 4 years,I wouldn't want to start over with a new therapist.

I think I will try talking about sex again and if he acts uncomfortable I will ask him why he feels that way and let him know how it makes me feel.

I have discussed childhood sexual abuse many times with him,and have given graphic details.I have only talked about my 'adult' sexuality a few times,and each time he has seemed uncomfortable.

I don't understand why.So I guess it is best to bring it up with him.

Thanks again.

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