My Article Might Have Been Affected By My Racing Thoughts LOL

by Dana
(California)

I have racing thoughts all the time, was diagnosed manic bipolar, later they changed it to Schizoaffective, because in my 20s I somehow came to the realization, because of the therapist and psychiatrist, that I was a freak because the things I see are not natural, and that my brain was broke. The experience for me is best described this way - Like for instance, throughout your life you have always seen trees, most people never even mention things they see everyday......now take that person who has always seen trees as a natural part of the scenery, tell them that the trees aren't real. So now this person has the new confusion of trying to define reality for themselves, intensified by fear, choices are made that bring negative outcome, and trying to figure out why they are being told to not believe what they personally witness, and to take someone elses word for it. One begins to questions ones own sanity.

During all of this, the feeling of slipping away and detaching, as if observing self somehow, and these powerful realizations occur, and sometimes only pieces remain because the thoughts and images are fleeting. Hard to figure out. Some of those pieces of information are like magical experiences, they solve problems in my perspective of my connections. Feeling like I suddenly am not me anymore but everywhere, everything.....sometimes it gets so intense that I physical zone out, eyes fixed, off in an altered state of consciousness (the shrinks have a name for that too I am sure).....and when I snap out of it, you will see a confused me whose last memory is of a conversation that took place ten minutes ago, and I accuse you of lying and that I don't remember that shit happening.

Its kind of embarrassing to talk about, but it is what it is. I am becoming more self aware, and it's a very painful experience and quite difficult. I have never met a person who was enlightened, which did not suffer great emotional torment and suffering in their life. They always did on some level or other...

I dunno really if you would consider this on topic completely, but for me, I have had some strange experiences, and I see things that I am not supposed to be seeing, and I am told that I am broke, but always deep within me, I feel fine. I am afraid a lot, and I sometimes make stupid choices, but somehow I know it's all ok, and that all I have to do is "change my mind", and write my own story, instead of letting the fears of those before me, choose for me. See things for what they are, no bias, no judgement....just see everything as it really is...


Ben's Response:

Thanks for sharing your experiences. Our western cultural paradigm - our medical/psychiatric paradigm is miles away from what it was originally designed to be. "Psyche" means Soul. Psychology is the study of the soul. The Hippocratic oath that all doctors are pledged to honor says to serve their patients with the greatest care, and to do no harm. In today's modern psychiatric approach, a person's personal experience is often invalidated, pathologized and labelled as an illness. Fear is a deeply destructive force, and when we are told that our reality is false (by a person who is not anywhere close to being enlightened and knowing anything beyond their ego), it can be a terrifying, depressing, fragmenting experience. My personal belief is that we are each living in our own bubble of reality and that we cluster together with communities that foster a consensus reality, yet it is the rarest among us who really understands the real Truth.

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Albert Einstein


Never abandon your truth for another person's version of reality, unless it resonates with your heart and raises your consciousness.

Warm Wishes,
Ben Schwarcz

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