My 16 year old daughter is starting to hate me.

by Claire

She also wants me to allow her to sleep at her friends house's. I know these people but I dont want her to. I told her that when she had finished school she could, but now I have gone back on my word. These friends are lovely but there are some that I don't want her to hang out with because a couple of them are Asian and some of them are 4-5 years older than her. In the group there are a range of 16-21 year olds. I'm not allowing her to see some of her friends because of these reasons. She is mature and sensible. Should I trust her judgment? Will she end up hating me? What should I do?

Ben's Answer:

A mature sensible 16 year old may be as responsible and mature as many 20 year old's. But you have a right as a parent to set a boundary to try to ensure your daughter's safety. Only you can decide what is appropriate for her. It's important at that age to establish some trust between you. I can easily understand your concern about her hanging out, and sleeping over with much older (adult) friends. But your concern about her being friends with Asians seems completely irrelevant and prejudiced. What race your daughter cares to associate with should have no bearing on the situation at all - and if you want her to go on hating you, then making an issue of this would be just the thing to accomplish that.

For a sensible older teen girl, I'd have only 2 main concerns: drug and alcohol abuse; and the potential risk of getting into a situation where she could be sexually assaulted. If she's completely aware of how to stay safe and you know where she will be, and who she is with - then it's simply a question of whether or not you trust her.
Don't make your decision based on your fear of her getting angry at you; base it on whether you feel you can trust her judgment.

Best wishes,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

Order Now

NEW EFT/Meridian Tapping eBOOK!

Tapping Into Joy: Meridian Tapping and Mindfulness for Depression

With bonus Tap-Along Audio Book and Full-length Guided Meditation Audio

A 96-Page guide to lead you out of the darkness of depression and into the light of your own True Self.

Learn to use Meridian Tapping/EFT for your own self-healing from Depression, Anxiety, Trauma and Stress. Step by Step instructions from the basics to the subtle art of getting powerful results quickly, even with complex issues.

singing bowls and flutes
Guided Mindfulness Meditation for Depression

Click here to post comments

Return to Ask a Therapist.

Share this page:
Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.