Manic Episode Januray 2013
This is regarding a spiritual emergency I faced in January. I was hospitalized in St. Joseph Hospital, Houston, TX for two weeks and diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder instead. This is creating havoc in my personal life as my husband fears a relapse and wants to divorce me.
My Experience goes like this -
The episode I experienced in January 2013 was a highly ecstatic one. I was elated. I felt one with the universe. I had heightened awareness of things around me. I felt all knowledge was reorganizing itself in my mind, because of which I wanted to write a new Holy Book, a version of Bhagvad Gita based on Facebook as a sociological model. I felt new knowledge and mysteries were pouring in my mind from everywhere and I had to do best to set it to paper. As writing was a slow process, I started making audio notes and sending them out to family and friends.
I started meditating alot. At times I would go into spontaneous meditation, where I lost the sense of time, and hours passed like minutes. Slowly I could feel a continuous 'hissss' sensation in my lower spinal cord, between the Root Chakra and Manipura Chakra. I would feel a surge of energy go up and block itself near Heart Chakra. One night I found myself meditating again as my husband slept by my side. I woke up from the trance with a vision of gazing at a purple-pink starry sky.
I felt my psyche was under pangs of child birth, ready for a renewal, ready to release something that will give me a liberating experience. I felt I was a combined spirit of Jesus Christ, Lord Krishna and Lord Rama, and have incarnated to restore balance of the universe. I felt my role a prophet will soon be recognized. I felt there was a war between good and evil or Light and Darkness that was taking place and I found myself to be the center of the whole drama. I wrote a letter to a friend whose name is Yash which means materialism in Hindi, I envisaged that the current reality has a war between forces of materialism and force of truth or true knowledge. I could telescope my sight outwards and prophecize that Truth will win this war, and ultimately a New Age based on unity is established, which I have inaugurated. ( The Age of Truth or Satyug).
Other aspects of my experience included a dire recognition of imbalance between the male and female energy archetypes for this planetary system. I felt the equilibrium between the male and female energies can be called the middle path or the child energy. Child energy indicates the balance between the male and female. I could feel the feminine aspect of consciousness in terms of female humans and mother nature being highly suppressed and violated. And if the feminine is not pacified it may lead to political upheavals and ecological destruction.
Lastly, at hospital I spoke about crossing over process. I believed that judgement was near and everyone needed to repent for their sins and forgive each other and resolve their unresolved issues in family/friends. During the episode I resolved many of my own personal issues. I felt unloved somehow as my parents were not very demonstrative of affection. I forgave them and accepted their love finally. The process was truly transformative one for me. It lasted for two weeks but psychosis took 1.5 months or so to clear. I felt my Kundalini Energy was at work and probably it got misdirected somehow to give me the manic episode.
Thanks for sharing your experience. You seem to have a lot of good self-awareness. I hope you are getting the right kind of support to integrate this experience and find the balance you seek. If you are taking responsibility for your stability, and getting adequate support, physically, mentally, emotionally AND spiritually, there is no reason to assume that you will have a relapse.
Wishing you well,