by Judi
(Florida Keys)
My 23 year old stepdaughter, fresh out of an abusive relationship, diagnosed with bipolar years ago, recently moved in with us. Currently have her with psychiatrist, counselor, on medications, etc. My question is: She has been manic/hypomanic for the last 3 weeks. There is no reasoning with her, she has a smart ass comment to make about everything we say to try to calm her down but the situation escalates. What are we to do? If we say nothing, or try to walk away, the anger and hatred intensifies, if we do say something, the exact same response from her occurs. When she has her appointments with doctors, she is all sweetness and smiles, says exactly what she thinks they want to hear-she's a pro. We live in an area with no support groups and are totally exhausted in trying to do the right thing, whatever that may be. We need help.
Ben's Answer:
One important question here: Can you separate her "hypomanic"anger and nasty attitude from her normal "non-manic" anger? If you take her manic behavior as a personal attack on you, then you are simply engaging in a no-win conflict. You can't argue with a delusional person.
If she's normally a reasonable, respectful, considerate person, and it's only in the last 3 weeks that these annoying traits have come about as part of her mania - then all the more reason why you can't take any of this personally.
While you don't gain anything by trying to change her attitude, it still may be important to set clear limits and tell her clearly when she is saying or doing something that is crossing the line. (I realize that may seem impossible with a person who appears to be intent on provoking you and making you miserable). Being blunt and setting clear, assertive boundaries with a person that is truly manic often works well, because subtlety may fall on deaf ears (this has been my experience). I've seen some people in a manic state, who show no awareness of their intrusiveness or over-bearing