Mania or prophetic wisdom?

Thank you so much for this article.


I read an article a while ago about shamanism and I was immediately intrigued. As someone with bipolar I have spent a large portion of my life misunderstood and hurt by the society's views on mental illness. My last manic episode, a year ago (after a long time of being stable) seemed to be different from the rest. I was very aware of my state and did very well at hiding it. My state was much more ritualistic than it had ever been. I do not preform rituals or in any way believe in "witchcraft." But under my mania I seemed to have preformed some sort of spell that lasted two days, I just remember I was extremely sensitive to smells and colours.

Basically my ritual was meant to banish my "demons" some hurt I had been experiencing for my entire life. I had just let go of a negative relationship and it felt like I was doing some inner cleaning. It was extremely scary because I literally felt like I was fighting them off ... Certain colours protected me and I had made a triangle ( or something ) around myself For protection. A wine glass fell from my counter top as I was trying to fight off the "demons" ( also note I was not hallucinating only able to "smell" it. And it smelled disgusting. For some reason I remember associating it to the lime colour green. Anyway the wine

glass managed to break exactly in two and slit each of my wrists. That seriously doesn't sound believable and I remember being so afraid of getting medical attention because I didn't want anyone to think it was done on purpose. and yes, my manic episodes from my teen years were very difficult but I felt very much in control with the last one. But the way people treat you in hospitals despite not even acting out, is unbelievable. And sad. My previous manic episodes I was speaking in rhymes. Like just free verse. I remember a psychiatrist actually looking scared because I do write poetry and it was just flowing with such ease, lol. I'm not sure if it made sense but I remember feeling wise. My first manic episode I had no idea about what some call "archangels " but I remember standing on top of my bed and saying stuff about Raphael or Gabriel. I also have a vague memory of saying Someones name (which I won't mention) and I don't know why. I know someone now named that and it's really intriguing to me. Because a lot of the episode was me talking about my future and my children. But the reality is, I do need medication and do believe my illness should be treated. I just wish I didn't have to be in our western way. (I realize this is a lot but the only time I get to explain how I really feel!)

Thank you.