I feel lost. I feel that I have lost myself. I've been really down and sad for the past 6 months for no reason at all. I feel that there's a huge amount of pain inside me and I can't figure out its source. I spend the whole day in bed, I am isolating myself, I binge, my relationships with people are deteriorating because I am losing my nerves in an unbelievable way. I can't stop crying(also for no reason).
I have lost my confidence and self-esteem; I cant stand looking at myself in the mirror, I am fat and ugly. I don't see the point of trying to do anything. I feel worthless and that nobody wants me in this life. I just don't want to do anything anymore, I feel that I have no energy at all.
I hate myself and I hate my life and I am only 16 yrs old!!
I hate myself, I really do. I feel that I am sinking real deep and that there's nothing I can do anymore.
I am stupid,this is all for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON!! You cant imagine how bad it is...
First of all - you need to stop calling yourself names. Nothing is ever for no reason. You are not stupid. Just because you don't understand why you feel the way you do, does not make you stupid. It just means you need some help to figure things out. Putting yourself down like this, will only make you feel worse.
You are describing the symptoms of serious depression. This is something that you can get help for. Six months is a long time to go on suffering with this. If you didn't have most of these symptoms before the past 6 months, I would be wondering what triggered it. It is never for "no reason" although you may not be conscious of what the emotional trigger was; Or a physical issue, like nutritional deficiency (such as low vitamin B12 or Low vitamin D3, or Omega 3 Fatty Acids), could cause all the same depressive symptoms; Or there could be another major mood disorder, like Bipolar Disorder just beginning. In any case, you should get some professional help right away. I would start with a therapist. If talking to someone helps relieve your depression and extreme dislike of yourself - then you will spare yourself the unnecessary and rocky road of simply medicating yourself with antidepressants (which are not likely to restore your self-esteem - but might boost your energy and mood anyway - at least for a while). Seeing a naturopathic doctor, or acupuncturing/doctor of Chinese Medicine, or Ayurvedic doctor might be very helpful too.
On your own, the absolute best chance of changing your mood would be to learn Meridian Tapping/EFT and start using it for your symptoms. Address each one separately - like your social anxiety, low self-esteem, body-image issues, tearfulness... each one can be worked on - and often alleviated quickly - sometimes within minutes - with Meridian Tapping. There's info about that on this site. You can also look for a therapist that uses EFT/Tapping to do this with you.
If things ever get so bad you feel unsafe, or if you just need to talk to a neutral, supportive person, try one of the hotlines on this site. They're free and confidential.
Don't give up. This can all change for the better if you get help.
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist