How do you deal with a jealous brohter in law? He's an identical twin to my Boyfriend, he's 25 years old. He says he's not jealous but everyone can clearly see he is. I cant spend any alone time with my fiance without him throwing a fit. He calls us names and gets quiet and sulks for about a day. We cant even share a room together, hold hands around him or cuddle on the sofa or he gets in his moods again. He can go as far as telling his brother they are not brothers anymore. We cant spend any alone time at all. He says its not jealousy but the fact we dont respect him. We have gotten to a point where i have to pretend i am only friends with my boyfriend for him to not throw a fit. What can we do about this, advice would be great.
Why is he in your house? If someone was in my space, disrespecting me or my significant other in that way, I'd show them the door. This behavior sounds abusive. If you tolerate him like he's a spoiled, tantruming child, you actually are disrespecting both yourselves and him. Maybe he has some legitimate hurt feelings to talk about - but he's not talking about them - he's just manipulating, threatening and sulking. Give him the opportunity to share his genuine 25 yr old feelings, or tell him you don't want to be around him. I'm sure, being his bro's twin might make it extra hard to separate. But, it's about time, don't you think?
Congratulations on your marriage -
Ben Schwarcz, MFT