I just got a call from my husband that disturbed me greatly. He was crying and near panicked. He has been in therapy for roughly a year dealing with effects of a severely abusive childhood. He is also working on his own emotionally abusive behaviors toward me, and he has only recently opened up to his therapist about those, as he was only recently able to acknowledge them. One behavior pattern he brought up was minimizing/rewriting blatantly negative things he'd done, and then repeating them or actively being angry/abusive if I brought them up.
So apparently today she told him that his behavior was a coping mechanism from his childhood, was ingrained in his personality, and could not be changed even if he wanted to. She further indicated that if we did not divorce, he would just continue hurting me and it would never change. He asked if she could recommend any abuse groups in the area along the lines of that recommended in Lundy Bancroft's books. She told him she didn't think a group like that would help.
Needless to say, this was crushing to him. He was essentially told that the issues he was trying to address were hopeless.
I'm furious. There have been other things I perceived as red flags with this therapist, but didn't say anything at the time because he seemed to feel comfortable with her. For instance, she has advised him multiple times to quit his job, and at