In Love with my Best Friend

by John
(PIttsburgh)

I have known a girl for about 6 years. I have always liked her. She tells me I am her best friend. Even though I have feelings for her we have both dated different people, but we're both currently single. She seems to date guys older than her. We go out together all the time. When we do we are very flirty and touchy with each other. I recently told her my feelings for her. She told me that she did not want to get into anything with me for fear of losing our friendship if it didn't work out. But I cannot move past her. I can't find any girl I like more than her and it makes me sick to think about her with anybody else. What should I do? I just cannot move on from her and its been like this for years even though I have dated other girls.

Ben's Answer:

John - I suggest you make sure first, that she's being completely honest with you about her reason for not having a romantic relationship with you. If it's only for fear of losing your friendship if it didn't work out, then maybe you should be more persistent with her.

Many long lasting relationships don't have the kind of deep friendship that you seem to have with each other. You might have the makings of a wonderful, intimate relationship. The kind that most people dream of. Loving someone is always a risk. You can't live your life in mediocrity, settling for less, just because you're afraid of losing it. Maybe you shouldn't accept her reasoning so easily.

If she holds to her stance, then you may be forced to accept your relationship as it is, and deal with the loss. (Ironically, sometimes it's when you really let go and move on emotionally, that the other person realizes they don't want to let you go!)

I hope it works out.

Best wishes,
Ben