(Little Rock, AR)
When I was 9 or 10, I was molested by a couple of older, teenage boys. My parents had never talked to me about sex and I really didn't know what was right or wrong. They were doing it and talked me into it and convinced me it was okay. I didn't realize it was wrong until they had another boy watch, and he got really mad about it and ridiculed me. I have always felt that I should have known it was wrong to begin with and have felt extreme guilt and shame forever. I tried to let it go and forget about it, but I know now that I just buried it. Looking back, it explains a lot about my sexual behavior, feelings about sex and my lifelong insecurities. I have never even had a thought about molesting a child. That's not where I'm going with this. I just need to know if what happened to me is common and if I should have known better. I told my wife about it because we have been having really honest conversations with each other for the first time in our 8 year marriage. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. She says she loves me and doesn't look at me different. I feel as though I should be able to explain it more, but I have no idea what to say.
The guilt, shame and confusion you feel about this is very common for people who were molested as children. Children are extremely vulnerable to this type of exploitation, which is why it happens to so many. You can't expect a 9 or 10 year old child to have the judgment and insight of an adult. This is a traumatic event, and it is one that can be healed. I've helped people with this sort of childhood sexual abuse, even after 50 years have passed. EFT is the best technique I know for resolving past abuse traumas in a relatively short amount of time.
Until you resolve this, it will continue to impact your emotions, relationships, sexuality, and self-esteem.
The most important thing to know is that this was in no way your fault. Whether through force, peer pressure or manipulation, any time an older child takes advantage of a much younger child, it constitutes abuse.
Nobody needs to suffer with this.