I love my wife and want to help her

by MBT

I love my wife, and i know she has a problem, little things cause her to get angry real quickly or upset. She starts cussing and yelling at me, even hits or throw things at me. When I try to stop her to prevent harm to her or myself, she screams saying I'm beating her. We've gone to jail overnight because of this once, I love my wife and I really don't know what to do.

Ben's Answer:

Abuse by women towards men is really under-reported because men often don't want to admit it. But it's a very real thing and not uncommon. I've seen men get themselves into terrible legal trouble -- staying in abusive relationships until they are accused of physical violence and end up in jail.

Drastic measures are necessary here if you want to attempt to salvage things. Couples therapy would be a great place to start. And your wife should probably be seeing her own private therapist as well, to deal with her anger issues. Without outside intervention, I think you are keeping yourself in a dangerous situation that could get worse.

Giving her an ultimatum, by insisting that you see a couples therapist together - (weekly, not just once) - is an act of love and caring, even if she feels like you are trying to control her. If she can't accept help and doesn't have a real plan for taking care of her issues, then this is just another accident waiting to happen.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

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