He Cheated and Now Cannot Touch Me

by Terry
(Greensboro, NC)

He cheated a year ago with a "Fatal Attraction" type woman. I forgave him and we have been trying to work things out. We have been together for ten years. But now he ways he feels so bad for hurting me, it's hard for him to be intimate now. He doesn't know why, and neither do I. He says he doesn't want her, but I feel he doesn't want me either.

Ben's Answer:

Either your husband really does feel so guilty and ashamed that he can't open his heart to you, or the issues between you that lead to his affair, have simply remained unresolved. It's possible that he really had some legitimate issues to work out with you and instead of working on it, he escaped into an affair, with disastrous consequences. Now maybe he's so guilt-ridden for doing this that he doesn't feel he has a right to "complain" or to point out what isn't working in your relationship. In a situation like this, seeing a good couples therapist would probably be the best way to find a way to move forward.