Gay or worried?

I am worried I may be homosexual. I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder and depression. So when I pondered why people called me fat or gay... with my self worth being horrible lately I looked up symptoms of homosexuality and one said "plays with other gender playmates." In elementary school I was put into depression by boys my own age so I played with girls because they were a lot nicer. But now I'm terrified of becoming (no offence to anyone) a homosexual which I feel somewhat terrified of that. I need a definite answer am I gay or just worried? I am in high school so I still have a few problems talking about stuff since I was so used to being in so much mental pain from not telling anyone (that's what therapy told me). So am I gay or worried?

Ben's Answer:

Playing with other-gender playmates as a child does not mean you are gay. Most people who come to realize that they are gay, have had sexual attraction to the same sex since an early age. Most kids begin to feel sexual attraction long before puberty. It is extremely common for kids, and teens to have uncertain feelings of attraction to both sexes. That does not mean that a person is homosexual. Your sexual identity is something that develops over time and whatever you feel towards either sex is not an illness or a problem unless you make it into one.

Kids in school can be extremely cruel by name calling - whether it's "fat" or "gay" used as an insult - it is very hurtful and very unfortunate. You are not "gay" just because some bully called you "gay." You should not have to feel any pressure to identify your sexual preferences - at this young age - or at any age for that matter. All that matters is that you respect and accept yourself as you are.

Having OCD can make these issues much worse, since you may have a much greater tendency to worry and ruminate about your fears and questions about yourself. Learn to question your thoughts, and learn to trust your feelings and your intuition. They are not the same thing. There are no wrong thoughts, nor are their wrong feelings. Thoughts and feelings just "are." Learn to accept all parts of yourself without judgment and you will learn to be happy.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

Order Now

NEW EFT/Meridian Tapping eBOOK!

Tapping Into Joy: Meridian Tapping and Mindfulness for Depression

With bonus Tap-Along Audio Book and Full-length Guided Meditation Audio

A 96-Page guide to lead you out of the darkness of depression and into the light of your own True Self.

Learn to use Meridian Tapping/EFT for your own self-healing from Depression, Anxiety, Trauma and Stress. Step by Step instructions from the basics to the subtle art of getting powerful results quickly, even with complex issues.

singing bowls and flutes
Guided Meditation for Depression, Anxiety and Stress

Click here to post comments

Return to Ask a Therapist.

Share this page:
Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.