Freaking myself out with my day dreams

Hi. I am a 16 year old girl. For as long as I can remember I have been having vivid day dreams about my future. That may not sound so bad but it really is. I catch myself sitting alone in my room having long and detailed conversations with a future boyfriend or best friend and literally living a double life. Whenever im alone, before going to bed etc. I have this whole storyline playing in my head. The things is recently I've started imagining celebrities and sportspeople as my future boyfriends n friends n I've made myself believe this messed up version of life enough to get depressed when I hear that a particular actor is in a relationship etc. I have a lot of friends but don't really feel like I get along with any of them much, I see them as superficial and boring. Imagining my future has been my coping mechanism for so long that now its starting to back fire and I don't know what to do
Thank you.

Ben's response:

Having an vivid, active imagination can be a great asset when focused in the right ways, but it sounds like you've used this gift as a way to escape facing your present life, so it's starting to become a problem. I've seen people shut themselves down and go the other way, and lose some of their access to their imagination in the process. My suggestion is to go deeper in your search for true, authentic, deep-minded friends and don't give up on finding them. There are lots of people just like you.

I also think it would be extremely useful to learn to meditate. Meditation is a way to master your own mind, rather than being a victim of your own thoughts. Meditation uses many of the same skills as active imagination, but rather than daydreaming, you are holding your mind on one specific word, image, or idea while you stay present, in the moment and aware of your breath. If you focus on a high-minded ideal or inspiring thought, there is no limit to how far it can take you, but without simply indulging your everyday fantasies. By doing meditation you get the best of both worlds - an infinite inner world, as well as a deeper level of understanding, patience, wisdom and acceptance of your outer world. It will increase your intuition, your concentration and improve your relationships. Just remember to keep a balance in your life between the inner and the outer. You can't progress without taking action in the world... and you can't grow if you shut down your inner world.

EFT (Meridian Tapping) is another great tool, and is excellent for letting go of obsessive thoughts. It's a great complimentary practice to daily meditation.

Take Care,

Ben Schwarcz

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