(Santa Rosa, CA, US)
I do not normally watch the news, nor am I political. But the Gulf Oil Disaster has shaken my emotions deeply.
When this first occured, I had an inner knowing that this situation was far worse than was being reported.
From following the Law of Attraction as well as other spiritual teachings from many others..I have learned it to be more helpful to focus on what I want, not on what I do not want.
But yesterday, I got on youtube and learned more about this Disaster in detail, from newsclips, from geologists and environmental toxin experts etc.
What I learned was beyond "shocking". If the oil stopped leaking tomorrow, there is enough oil (and disperants) currently in the ocean already, to poison, pollute and kill...ALL the oceans in the world.
I know more than the average person about weather patterns, water currents, and environmental toxins and the long term consequences. The people who live in this area have already been exposed to huge and possibly lethal levels already. Many will get very sick, many will die slowly.
The moving weather patterns as well as the food cycle, will move the toxins in rain, the Gulf Stream, fish,food crops, animals etc..so that the toxins will be spread not only across our nation, but worldwide.
And just by the way, there is a large bubble of gas in the well that could blow up at any time. And the pressure of the "hole in the ocean" is so strong, there is a strong possibility that they will not be able to "fix it". (at all...ever!)
What it felt like yesterday, watching youtube and learning all of this is: "this felt the same as on 9/11..watching the planes crash into the twin towers...only far worse actually. Because what has occured in the Gulf...has the very real possiblity of destroying not only human life, but the life of the entire planet..and "nature"...which I have -my whole life-loved..far more than anything...including "God". In fact...Nature to me "IS God in manifested form" a form I can see, feel, and love.
The difference for me between watching what appears to be the actual destruction of our planet with the Gulf Disaster and watching the planes crash on 9/11 for me is: there is nobody to talk to about this! No one seems to know the significance of this! Most believe we are "safe" cause we live in CA! So it is not "our problem".
So I feel as if I am witnessing this disaster and aware of the potential consequences...all alone. I do not even think there is anyone I know, that I can talk with about this, or share how I feel about it..because I fear they will just spout "platitudes" at me..reassuring me that I'm "over-reacting". And tell me that these environmental toxins "don't hurt people-only animals." Or that "Mother Nature" will fix this." I did tell one friend that the clean up workers from the Exxon Valdez oil "spill" in Alaska..they now are finding that almost all the clean up crew are now dead or seriously disabled...and my friend (who is educated and worldly) just told me "this is NOT true!"
I do not want to be in a position to be telling my friends that what I am seeing and witnessing is so very serious...and potentially fatal..not just to the people who live "there"..but to all of us on the planet. Or that this is part of the Hopi prophesy of the end of the world "when the seas turn black".
This would frighten and disturb people. And I do not think most people even WANT to know..and I think they would invalidate my feelings and perceptions and just make me feel worse.
And for most of us..there really is NOTHING "we" can DO to fix this...other than just worry..or pray.
Personally, I think I have come to peace with my own personal "death"..I have lived a long and mostly beautiful life. I do not feel at this time that if I died tomorrow, I would regret it.
But..to watch the potential and probable destruction of so many other people, and the beauty of this planet, and the animals who live on our glorious "Mother Earth"..this is heart-breaking for me.
I spent hours yesterday watching and listening to the images of the death and destruction and I allowed myself to feel the heartache..the helplessness, and the despair. I longed to have someone to confide in..and I don't know anyone who I can speak with about the events ocurring or my emotions regarding this. I cried for hours..just allowing myself to "feel this", instead of holding it all inside and "pretending" that I am okay with all this.
And if this "is" the final death blow to our planet..and all the beauty and love it holds--I do realize that I have some "choice" in the matter...how to spend these last days alive in this world. I can "resist" what "is"...or I can say "yes" to what is..and find a place of acceptance inside myself with what IS and what may be coming. I realize we are able to choose whether to suffer emotionally or not.
I know there ARE people like Gurunath or the Dali Lama and others...who see what is ocurring...maybe see more clearly than I do..what all this means...see what suffering and destruction is already here..with perhaps much more on the way.
How do people more advanced than I am...deal with this type of issue? Do they also cry? Do they also feel sadness and rage? What does it feel like to people like this...to witness all this...perhaps even know the outcome...and keep the inner place of acceptance and peace?
And how do "I"...just a regular person...on my life's journey..with some spiritual practice and some idea that there is so much more to "life" than I realize...how to I grow within myself...to be "at peace"..with what "is"..no matter the possiblities or outcome? And the sense of urgency to "do this now"..that it matters so much..to me and to others..now...that I somehow grow into some bigger part of myself that I have not yet reached? And acheive this "NOW!"
And what to I "do" with the emotions of deep sorrow, helplessness, and even rage...that occurs within me at times. Yesterday I had this deep urge to simply scream "NOoooooo!" to everything I saw and learned.
IF we are now living in this world..in the last "days" of the world as we know it..how to I walk this earth..as a blessing. How do I live..in inner peace and gratitude when it feels the world around me is in destruction..and watch this destruction and ruined world, suffering and death...and stay on the inner tight rope of "inner peace"?
What is the most powerful way for me to "hold this situation" for the benefit of myself and for all other living things?
How can I be a blessing to this world, at this time...when right now...I feel I have my hands quite full...just taking emotional care of "myself"?
And ..what is my responsiblity to others regarding all of this? Do I speak to others about this...and how I am feeling about all of this...or is it better to keep this "to myself" and only speak of it in private to my Guru and to the Divine?
As a "spiritual person-having a human experience" I personally do not feel "ready" to be a contribution to our planet at the level I feel I "should be". I am only a regular person here...just a regular person. And I feel that this is the time for being an "extraordinary person". And I am not that.
What does a person "do" when there is nothing I am aware of that I CAN do?
And how to I find peace with that?
We all live in a state of denial to some degree, just to go on living in a world where so much pain exists. In ages past, the suffering was often even more widespread, as disease, barbarism and starvation were rampant - the Dark Ages - or Kali Yuga as described in Indian/Yogic cosmology. The Yogic understanding is that we are now emerging out of the Kali Yuga, into Satya Yuga - the Enlightended Age. What happens in the transition has been prophesied in many different world traditions, but who really know how this will unfold? This is a never ending cycle that goes on for millions and millions of years. As a person with some level of awareness, and love for the earth, I share your deep pain about what is happening to the earth.
And if it were only myself to be concerned with, I could face the idea of losing my life, but I see my two innocent children and wonder what their future holds. To face that can be an unbearably painful and terrifying thought.
All we can rely upon is faith, hope, and love (I think that's been written somewhere :)).
I limit my exposure to the news, not to perpetuate my denial, but to protect myself from living in a state of fear and hopelessness. On the other hand, as you say, despair is what we naturally feel when we face "reality" as it is. Joanna Macy, author and spiritual teacher talks about the necessity of letting go into true despair and not resisting the pain of seeing the destruction of the earth; only by opening to despair can we feel our true heart-connection, and find our voice and our power to make a real change. By building a wall around the heart to guard against despair we cut ourselves off from our ability to feel, to unite, and to act from a place of true Love; There is either Love or fear. To get to love, we must allow ourselves to feel pain.
"Someone" recently suggested to me to use this technique of Ho'oponopono to pray for the waters of the earth:
Envisioning the healthy, vibrant, blue waters of the sea, say "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank You. I love you."
Meaning: I'm sorry (that I've held this image of you as sickness, destruction and devastation)....Please forgive me for creating and reinforcing this reality of death and destruction...Thank You for your beauty and for being in my Life. I Love you.
(That's my interpretation).
No matter what is going on, we still only have one choice, to surrender to Love - our true nature... or give into the mental anguish of fear. We're not in control of anything else, even when we think we are.
In Light and Love,