Controlling Mothers

by Jaclyn
(Fort Lauderdale, FL)

I'm a 23 year old woman who is having a hard time adjusting to being an adult. And the main reason is because of my mother. She may not belittle me or be verbally abusive, but she uses her body language and sulks around the house when I decide I'm going out at 9PM or when I want to go out with my boyfriend. When I got into a relationship, she was upset and didn't want to meet him. She talks about my "bad" behavior to the family and I often get letters from her sisters telling me that I am "confused" right now.

I have already gone to a therapist with my mother in order to try and talk things out and I am still trying to talk to her about the way she behaves. I can't get through to her. I am tired and sick of this. I want to end this behavior and toxic relationship with her. What should I do?

Ben's Answer:

Move out!

If you don't want her to control you and treat you like a naughty child, then move out and prove to her that you can take care of yourself. You'll feel better about yourself, and your relationship with her will change. It's a lot easier to have boundaries with someone when you're not living in their house.

Don't try to change your mother. Just work on yourself, and everything will change.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT

Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

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Mar 02, 2011
controlling mothers
by: Anonymous

Your story reminds me of a movie I saw about this woman who kept sabotaging her daughter's relationships and treated her like a child, always getting in the way and calling every second that her daughter went on a date, making excuses for her to come home. Not sure if your mother is that "controlling" or "overbearing" but it reminded me of the movie is all. I'd suggest moving out.

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