confused by the need to push away from new relationships
I have never done this before, but was lookiong for answers online, and couldn't find anything that described the way I am feeling.
Over the past couple years I have got into some relationships with men, that at first seem great and wonderful, and they make me feel amazing and cared about, but then after a few weeks I suddenly lose interest in them, and am almost annoyed by them...and try to think of reasons to get out of the relationship.
The guy I am seeing now is really wonderful - he treats me like gold, and we have been having a wonderful last couple months together, enjoy all the same things. Now like a light switch, I am suddenly feeling like I want out. am I sure that I want to be with this person? And then, the pushing away begins....I try to avoid hanging out as much, and think way too much about wanting out, but don't have any reasons to...
I am totally confused why I continue to do this. Why do I wanna push away from a perfectly good relationship? How do I stop this behaviour?
I know that i want love, I have been in great relationships in the past. I am 27 and really want to find a great guy and eventually settle down and start a family. So why can't it be this guy? I just have so many why's that I can't answer myself, and don't understand how things can be going so well and then I wake up the next day and everything has changed.
Do I continue on with the relationship and see if the feelings develop again? which is really hard to do by the way, and I have never done in the past when I have felt like this.
Ugh, I am just soo confused - I hate that I feel this way, and really don't want to carry something on
and hurt him if it doesn't work out. I also hate having this feeling in my stomach, and being annoyed by nothing, and having this feeling that I want to avoid...
any type of answer would help.
You can't develop an intimate, deep and lasting relationship unless you can risk being totally honest with your feelings. Tell him about your fears, and your irritability and your pushing away; If he can't handle that, then he's not the right guy for you. If he still loves you and is willing to hang in with you while you figure this out, then you might have a chance. If this is a long term pattern for you, then you have to confront these feelings in yourself and not take them as a sign that the guy is wrong for you; nor should you give into the fear that you will hurt him with your confusion and inner conflict. When you feel that scary feeling in your stomach that you want to avoid.... don't avoid it. Feel it. A good relationship takes work; If it's not scary, it's not worth it. Real intimacy is terrifying.
Don't give up on yourself.
You can also use meridian tapping to work on these feelings, which are most definitely coming from a subconscious place in you and need to be confronted at their source.
Ben SchwarczSanta Rosa Psychotherapist
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