Breaking Apart Inside
When in therapy and things get difficult i feel like I break apart inside, into many pieces, I bring myself back together by focusing on the repetitive pattern in my therapists carpet, what is wrong with me?
Have you told your therapist that you have this experience in sessions? If I was your therapist, I would want to know this, and be able to see when it is happening. What you describe may be what some call fragmentation -- basically, you become too overwhelmed by emotion or by conflicting thoughts, or scary thoughts emerging from your subconscious, and you temporarily lose yourself (your sense of solid ego-identity). This feeling of "breaking apart inside" can be terrifying, but handled in the right way, with a therapist you trust, and who understands what is happening, it could be an opportunity to let go, face this deep fear or losing yourself, and transform into a more conscious, stronger, and wiser person. But your therapist would have to see it this way in order for you to feel safe going through this.
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