Another relationship

My husband is bipolar, he has been seeing the same woman for a year now. He used to say I am not going to be with just one woman. He wants to sleep with anyone that is willing. This woman is also married and won't leave my husband alone. He loves to please women so as long as she wants him he will not break it off. He says he is happy with me. Of course he denies this other relationship, but I know she come almost daily to meet him at work for sex. My question is why does he have to have this other relationship? Just sex is bad enough but he has been with the same woman for a year. Please help!

Ben's Response:

There is no justification for having a one year sexual affair with another woman and lying about it to you. Some people with bipolar disorder will experience extremely distorted judgment, grandiosity, and impulsive, "hyper-sexual" behavior while in a manic or hypomanic state, and for some this may last for months, but eventually they come down and usually have a lot of regret and shame about what they did when they were in that altered state. This sounds more like sexual addiction behavior. Unless you are truly okay with your husband having other sexual partners, I think you are setting yourself up for a major fall. Lying to you about it (if that is really the case), is even more damaging to the relationship. He can't work on his relationship with you while he's getting his sexual intimacy with someone else.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT

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May 13, 2011
Your Cheating Spouse
by: Anonymous

I agree with what Ben has already stated, but I would like to add a comment to his: If your cheating husband is still engaging in sex with you, his wife, then you are running the risk of contracting sex-related diseases (some of which can kill). Even though your husband is bipolar, he still knows what is right from wrong; even in his altered state of mind. Why are you allowing him to continue in these outside affairs and remaining in the relationship with him for so long? He doesn't respect you nor care how he hurts you if he is having these affairs openly enough for you to even find out about it/them. Don't allow yourself to love this man more than you love yourself!

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