by Kayla
(Lincoln, Nebraska )
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. In some ways, we are the best of friends. I love him and I can't imagine my life without him. However, he's had anger problems since the start of our relationship. At first, he just had a short fuse and would yell/cuss whenever upset. Then, it escalated in punching walls or cars while I was sitting inside. Last night, he punched me in the thigh. It didn't hurt, but I still felt that it wrong to lift a hand in anger. In addition, he wasn't angry at me. He had just gotten into a fistfight with a friend and I'd followed him and was trying to calm him down. After he hit me, I started to cry and he started apologizing. I kept telling him to leave, so he grabbed a piece of wire and started choking himself. As always, he apologizes sincerely as soon as he calms down (and sobers up). 99.9% of these outbursts happen while he's drunk, but he denies that it is an important factor. Though he always apologizes, it is very short and if I try to discuss the issue further, he reverts and denies he did anything wrong. It is a very confusing and exhausting cycle.
I love him, but I also realize that what he's done isn't right. At this point, I still feel safe with him,
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