(Mt. Washington, MD, USA)
It makes me very nervous to think about jumping or falling from a really high place. When I think about falling (or visualize it), I start to shake and my hands get clammy. I'm afraid this means that I'm suicidal, or that I'm afraid that I could do it at some point. Although I'm not exactly in a good place in my life right now, I don't think I would actually kill myself. I've always been terrified of heights and I have anxiety, so I'm thinking it's related to that. I just don't know. I should mention that back in junior high, I had a friend who killed himself from jumping off a three-story building.
Should I seek help for suicidal thoughts? I have seen a therapist in the past year, but we didn't talk about this. I don't know why I didn't mention it, but I guess I just didn't think about it. Suicide has always scared me. For that matter, depression has always scared me. Could I be phobic of suicide?
It is not as uncommon as you might think, for people to visualize jumping off high places. This thought alone does not make a person suicidal. If someone is feeling they have nothing to lose, is feeling very depressed, hopeless, trapped, or angry at themselves, and having intrusive thoughts of ending their life, then that would be a concern.
But, from all that you've said, this sounds like an intrusive, anxiety-provoking thought, that very likely has some connection to your friend's suicide. Losing your friend that way must have been very traumatic. The thought in your mind, of your friend ending their life in that way, can be just as traumatic as an actual scene that you witnessed.
I would strongly suggest trying EFT to eliminate this disturbing thought. It is likely that this would work quiet quickly. It may be best to see a therapist who uses EFT.