Always disappointed by people

If everything in your life seems to go wrong is it exclusively your own fault? When friends disappoint you, while your relationships with the other sex are characterized by constant rejection, is the problem yours ot it can be just coincidence?

Ben's Answer:

I don't believe in coincidence. But blaming yourself, judging yourself or criticizing yourself isn't helpful either. I believe the world we experience, and the relationships we attract are all a reflection of ourselves - like a mirror. Not right or wrong, just a reflection of your state of mind.

If you want to avoid disappointment, stop having expectations. When you expect things from people, they will always let you down eventually. Accept people as they are. Wanting something is different than expecting it.

If people reject you, it's probably because somewhere deep inside yourself you expect to be rejected, or feel unworthy of love and acceptance. That's the stuff to work on -- not on the other person.

One of the best ways to change your "outer world" is to change your "inner world" (your mind). Therapy helps. So does meditation. The more you meditate the calmer and clearer the mind gets, and as a result, your world and the people you encounter will reflect those same qualities.

One person can live in a chaotic, hostile world, while another can live in a peaceful, friendly, beautiful world. And they could be next door neighbors.

To change the world, work on changing your mind.

If you want to get started learning to meditate - I'd suggest this guided mindfulness meditation

Take Care - The key is within!

Ben Schwarcz
Santa Rosa Psychotherapist and Coach

Click here to post comments

Return to Ask a Therapist.

Share this page:
Enjoy this page? Please pay it forward. Here's how...

Would you prefer to share this page with others by linking to it?

  1. Click on the HTML link code below.
  2. Copy and paste it, adding a note of your own, into your blog, a Web page, forums, a blog comment, your Facebook account, or anywhere that someone would find this page valuable.