adolescent depression

I have been going through mood swings for the last 8 or 9 weeks, sometimes I was fine but others I felt terrible and it is difficult to get out of bed for another miserable day. I have researched for the symptoms of adolescent depression and almost all of them apply to me... I don't know whether it is a normal teen thing or real depression. I know they are not very accurate nor are they a diagnosis but I have taken online tests and they all result in "Moderate/Severe Depression"...

Although I try really hard to put on a happy face,my friends are starting to notice - but my family doesn't.
Nobody knows, not even my parents,I don't want any family member to know; they will think i've gone nuts and also something inside me is intimidated to talk to anybody...

I feel that something is wrong about me, sometimes I feel like i don't want to exist (that sounds better than saying it straight forward).
I don't know what to do, in order to go to therapy my parents have to know but I cant tell them... I feel that there's absolutely no hope for me but I don't want to live my whole life this way... I don't know what to do because I have no one to talk to...

I really hope you get to read this.

Ben's Answer:

There are millions of other teens going through the same feelings of depression and isolation - afraid to tell anyone, even their parents. It's so important that you find someone to talk to. Being depressed does not mean you are crazy. Usually, just having a safe, supportive adult to talk to on a regular basis, can make a huge difference in how you feel. You could try talking to a school counselor if one is available, or a teacher you trust, a relative, parent, friend?

One of the best resources when feeling alone is a free hotline. There's a list of them on this site: https://www.alternativedepressiontherapy.com/free-hotlines.html

You can usually reach a live person anytime of day or night. You don't have to give your real name. I used to work on a suicide hotline and people would call for all sorts of reasons, with every kind of problem. Some were just lonely. We would talk to all of them just the same, for as long as we could, or until a life threatening emergency interrupted us. I highly recommend this as a place to start to reach out for some help. You can't get help unless you ask for it.

Take Care,
Ben Schwarcz