I have been diagnosed as having depression for more than a year now. I see a therapist and am taking medicine. I have tried more than six antidepressants which have not worked. My new medicine is also not working. Recently, I started cutting myself. Before that, I would just think about suicide and did attempt it once. I want to get help but I don't know how to. I don't want to tell my parents because they are already stressed out and in my culture, you don't talk about stuff like that. When I told my mom about my suicide attempt, she just told me to not do it again and don't tell anyone. And I didn't even tell my therapist or doctor. I know this cop who I really trust and I want to talk to him but I'm not sure how to ask him for help. I don't know what to do. Please help. I'm tired of feeling depressed and sad everyday and I don't want to kill myself.
As you've seen, antidepressants often don't work very well. Opening up to someone you trust would be much better medicine. If you're already seeing a therapist - why not be honest and tell them how depressed and sad you are, and about your suicide attempt. Nobody can help you if they don't realize how much pain you are in. If it worries your parents that you tried to kill yourself- it should! Any caring parent would be worried - but I'm sure they'd be in a lot more pain if you actually did hurt yourself.
There's a difference between thoughts of suicide, or "wanting to be dead," and actually intending or planning suicide. Hopefully your therapist understands that difference and can reassure you that nothing bad will happen if you talk about these real feelings.
If your cop friend is someone you trust more - then tell him. Just having someone listen to you would probably be helpful. Isolation is one of the most harmful things to a person who is depressed. Sometimes we have to break our own cultural taboos in order to survive. Your life and your happiness are more important.
You can also call a suicide hotline - anonymously - at any time of day, just to talk to someone and stay safe: Call 1-800-SUICIDE.
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