Sudden changes in boyfriends behavior: torture and biting.

My boyfriend of four years (age 60. I am 49), who has always been sweet and romantic, one year ago has began to be distant sexually. However, continued to be sweet. Recently (two months ago), he has been getting on top of me and pinching me hard all over, knowing that it is hurting me as I tell him. He has also been biting me hard all over and leaving bite marks which makes me cry from the pain. He is usually laughing when he does this. This does not occur during sex, as we only do that once a month now. Why is he suddenly doing this? Do I need to be concerned? Will this escalate to something worse? I have discussed all of this with him.

Ben's Answer:

I'd be concerned if my partner were biting me and laughing while I cried in pain. Sounds very sadistic. I can't venture to guess what his state of mind is that would lead him to suddenly act this way. If you've discussed this with him, I hope you've set a clear expectation that he never do this to you. If he can't respect that boundary, you are putting yourself at risk emotionally, and perhaps in other ways by allowing him to continue doing this. Have you suggested that he see a therapist -- or both of you see a couple's therapist together?

Take Care,

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