severe problems with son

my son says he hates me and wants nothing to do with me. He is smoking pot and is very disrespectful. He wants to leave and I really wish I knew where he could stay away for a while. I am tired and I have bad health. He wants to leave and I stated that I would call the police. What do I do?

Ben's Answer:

You have to consider his age. A teen with these issues, who is close to the age of 18 might be better off "launching" and learning to be independent and separate from you at this point. But not if he will end up on the street or in a dangerous situation.

It is common for teens to be disrespectful. It's a matter of degree, and how much you can and cannot tolerate. Pot smoking? You could involve the police if you want to really make a strong point.

But most kids who behave this way are really looking for something - showing you through their behavior that they are really unhappy with life.
If you're exhausted by this, you need to seek outside help. I'd recommend family therapy. And if he refuses to go (as defiant angry teens often do), you could give him a choice: go to therapy with me to figure out what's not working between us, or talk to the police about your pot use.

Therapy would be the better option.

Once you visit a therapist together, the therapist might decide that it's better for him to be in therapy by himself; Either way it can be a great help.

Good luck,
Ben Schwarcz, MFT


Santa Rosa Psychotherapist

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