Problem with my Fiance

by Alaa
(KW)

I'm a female - 25 years old...engaged and getting married in about 2-3 months ... with my boyfriend who I've known since I was 16 years. He is older than me by 2 years. I was his first true love and he was my first. We were together in everything ... he was so kind and caring to me... he always told me that I'm his everything and he cares for me not only as his lover and future wife but he also says that I'm like his baby girl because when he knew me I was young, and grew on his hand ...

anyway, he has some friends who are so jealous of our relationship because none of them stick to their relation and they keep breaking and changing girls as their uniform each time, and because he used to give me his 1st priority in his life and them second. That's why they are so jealous and try to make me small in front of him and motivate him to try other girls and do things to make me jealous...

Whenever they go to see other girls the make sure he is with them to drive him to the wrong path... and also I'm overweight, but not that much, but they tell him "What do you want with this girl? There are other sexy girls out there."

Although he knows that lots of guys make attempts to talk to me and want me to break up with him to be their girlfriend, I don't want anyone but him and I respect myself with him and behind his back... and I don't do anything that may be considered cheating to him because I love him and respect our relationship.


He cheated on me once, and I knew that after one year, and broke up for about two years. Then he came back sorry and made lots of tries until I forgive him. And we got engaged and everything was okay...

But I feel that because of the long time that passed and lots of things happened between us, that's why he changed ...

Because we became so close and he knew that granted I'm for him ... I feel that he does not care that much about me.

I feel so sad and depressed.

He talks to me and treats me like one of his friends (male friends).

He doesn't respect my feelings, and when he is angry from anything else he blows his anger on me.

When I call, he doesn't answer, especially when he is with his friends. He also doesn't answer my text messages.

When I'm sad he yells at me and asks me why I'm sad; instead of talking to me patiently he shouts, and let me get sader and even cry.

Then he tells me to wash my face and stop crying, but after he has been rude, I cry a lot.

I hate the feeling when I need him and can't find him, but when he wants me he always finds me. He also forgot my birthday, and he let it pass as if it's not a big deal. I know if it was his birthday I will make it a big deal and prepare the best for this day. I was sad about this .. but just let it go.


I don't care about presents or gifts as much as I care about the romance in the relationship. Remembering my birthday and saying happy birthday to me is what I want. I miss being special to him.


I don't know what to do.

I also noticed a thing that he see his friends don't care for their new wifes so now he is being the same, because some guys advise their friends not to be so generous with their women especially with their feelings .. because women always want more.

I know his friends are so bad and they are making my life bad too .. but I can't let him leave them .. because they are his childhood friends and I will be so bad if I let him break up with them.

I only want to live in peace with him and want him to be the old lover that cares about me ...


Now when I'm sad and tell him that I need to talk to him ... I feel that he doesn't have time for me, and doesn't care.

After seeing him ignoring my texts and calls< I decided to take break without telling him.

So whenever he calls I pretend to be busy. I also did make myself busy all day.

He couldn't find time to talk to me. I did this for about 5 days... also at night when he wants to call I don't answer and tell him I was sleeping ... I really was sleeping but sometimes I hear the ringing but continue to sleep ... I used to waste my time and health just for him .. but i didn't get anything but a heartache ..

So after 5 days I missed him, so decided to come back and make myself available for 1 day. As soon as he talked to me he again started to ignore my messages at the evening. I really dont know what to do.

When I go away he wants me and when I'm available he ignores me.

Please, please help me know what to do!

I miss the spark in our relation
I miss being loved
I miss him.


Ben's Answer:

I'm going to be frank with you here. You're boyfriend/fiance is disrespecting you and you deserve better. You are being passive-aggressive. Playing head games with him (as he is with you). By being dishonest, and avoiding him to try to make him come looking for you, you are just making it worse. You can't make someone love you. And you can't bring back the past.

When we have a true love at an early age, it makes a very very deep impression on us. There is nothing quite like it. A first love is something very profound. But you have both grown up. You have both changed.

It's possible, that he needs more space than he once did. Maybe he was spending too much time with you when he was younger, and was neglecting his need to be around his male friends. You might need to allow him more space, if you can trust that he is being faithful.

If his friends are decent caring guys, it's good for him to spend time with them. But a mature man should not be hanging around with guys who disrespect his girlfriend, criticize her, or try to get him to cheat. He's disrespecting himself and you by allowing this - and only HE is to blame (not his friends).

You will never find happiness in a relationship in which you depend on your partner for a feeling of worthiness and happiness.

If there is one Truth that this website stands for it is this:
True Happiness comes from within you - it IS YOU - but as long as you seek happiness in another person - like a drug - you become a slave - and you will be disappointed and devastated every time the world (or your boyfriend) lets you down.

You deserve to have an honest, loving, mature relationship. Maybe it's time to let go of the past and move forward.

Unless your boyfriend can truly take responsibility for his behavior and choose to work on an intimate, caring, respectful relationship with you - don't waste your time waiting for him to change - because he may never be the person you want him to be.

Take Care,
Ben