Pathological Narcissist

I am a 15 year old teenage boy and when I was younger about 6th grade I suffered from trauma. My mother tried taking her own life and for the next two years I was putting myself into the clique "emo". Since then I have always sought attention from everyone, doing things I would not normally do. Telling people bad news so I could see the attention they gave me for telling them, posting things on websites out of a seek for attention. My friend and I were just talking and I went through a couple years of drug use. I am now trying to figure myself out and why I do things sometimes. I was looking up childhood trauma and found out something that perfectly describes the way I act. Can an event like finding your mother overdosed in a closet laying on the floor, cause a person to develop a pathological narcissist tendency? I've gone to therapy before for drug use, and I know I always used drugs to show people I had a problem and needed attention. Are these things a narcissist would do?


Ben's Answer:

Finding your mother after she overdosed sounds like a terrifying experience. But such a trauma does not make a person into a narcissist. Those tendencies form over a long period of time during early childhood, and usually have a lot to do with being neglected. I imagine a depressed, suicidal mother wouldn't have much energy left to be a loving, attentive parent. That said, it doesn't do any good to label yourself a "pathological narcissist." It is our basic human desire to be loved, adored and appreciated. When we don't get enough of this (or the parent is narcissistic and self-absorbed), we develop a "false self" to feel secure, while really, deep inside there is a feeling of emptiness, anger or insecurity.

It's all about learning to love your real self - beyond appearances and images.

As for the trauma you experienced - I strongly recommend seeing a good qualified therapist (preferably one that uses EFT/Meridian Tapping), to deal with that traumatic memory. As you've already recognized, an emotional trauma such as that can have lasting consequences for years to come. EFT is an excellent method to quickly neutralize that traumatic memory.

Take Care,

Ben

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Jan 06, 2012
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abusive,absent,depriving husband
by: Anonymous

hi.i'm not sure if this is the right place to write my comment,but here goes,i'm 31yrs of age and my husband who i've been married to 4yrs,has a jakyl and hyde personality,for some weird reason,every morning he'd wake up being abusive over little things,eg,the bed not being right,or the matress too hard and it would end up in him calling me a whore,fat b****** and then stuff like he's going to shag my mum and hit me if i answer him back.once the evening comes,he's a totally different person.one other thing,he lives with his parents and i have had to bring up our 3yrs old by myself cos he can't comitt to us.if we have a little quarre,he'll go and not come back for weeks,and when he does come after 3weeks,he'll put the blame on me and accuse me of making him angry.i am 9mths pregnant and we've been separated for 8mths.he kicked me and my son out of his house cos he didn't want me to question his late hrs with his mates,he told me he'll never be ''dictated'' by me,which i never have done.all i ever wanted was a husband who loved and respected me and who is comitted but i'm fighting against a brick wall!..after a week of being kicked out of his house,i found out i was pregnant and since then,he's never supported me or contributed any money towards the baby to be.he's always out with his mates and never enjoys being around me and our son.he has a degree yet can't hold on to a job cos of his rudness and anger.in the past he's spat on me so many times and always says it's how a bastard like me should be treated.and also i've had my hair cut off by him when i was pregnant with our 1st son,he knows i'm crazy about him,so he'll use that by threatening me if i don't let him see our son,he'll marry again and he knows thats the only thing that will kill me off..one minute he's loving,then the next he's abusive!..he's not even sorry for all the things he's done.instead he'll say it's all my fault for trying to control him by telling him to spend time with us by calling him all the time..i'm soon to give birth and he's not given me any support all these mths instead he called me a fat bastard (which i'm not!) but i don't know y i keep giving him chances?..maybe i'm sick?

Ben's Comments:(To Anonymous) -

This man behaving like a sociopath, and you are putting yourself and your children at great risk by associating with him. It doesn't matter if he sometimes is loving towards you. Most people would never even dream of treating an animal this way. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to wake up and realize that you have to respect and care for yourself. Nobody deserves to be treated in this abusive way. You are exposing your children to behavior that will affect them for the rest of their lives. Guys like this do not change without an enormous self-effort and total responsibilty for their actions. You cannot change him. Learn to love yourself, and find someone that treats you with respect.

Take Care,
Ben

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