Narcissism in the marriage..

by Rose
(CA)

My husband has this thing he has done for years when he doesnt want to talk he shuts down wont speak and refuses to ever talk about the situation ever....we have been separated on and off and recently in trying to work things out in a disagreement he did the same thing, and he asked me to leave...which I did, then he completely cuts ours sons and me off, like we no longer exist... he has had multiple relationships outside the marriage in an attempt to find a "better partner" as he claims its me thats the problem...he always blames me for his irrational behavior. Its been ten years of this. Do you think he has a disorder? I am emotionally drained in trying to walk on egg shells so he doesnt cut us off. I feel he has to be in complete control 24/7 and is so narcissistic almost to the most extreme. This time he was set off because I asked him what time he arrived somewhere, and he is evasive when answering me...so I confronted him later that evening... that is when he refused to talk about it and asked me to leave...havent spoken to me since and only sends random text and when I try and respond he shuts his cell phone off....ofcourse never really resolving anything, if I wanna make up I usually have to admit fault, apologize and be lovey dovey....or else this could go months.

Ben's Response:

One of the most typical traits of a narcissistic person is that they avoid admitting fault, and if confronted will avoid and deny, and eventually respond with anger or rage. With or without the label of "narcissist," your husband definitely sounds like a self-centered person who avoids any real intimacy or communication with you. Every relationship problem is created by both partners - but when one wants to communicate and the other refuses to communicate (directly), it's a stand-off. Both partners in a relationship must be willing to grow, to be vulnerable, to be honest, and to be wrong, or the relationship will never be fulfilling for either person.

You can't change him; you can only work on yourself, be who you want to be, and make a choice about who to spend your life with.

I wish you the best.

Ben Schwarcz, MFT

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