My Journey

by jenny
(winterville, nc, usa)

I've had different "paranormal," as they would call it, episodes in my life since I was young. As I got older my interest always came to the same questions: Why am I here? What does life mean? Who is god? I also had severe depression and anxiety in my life because I had not yet discovered who I really am and what the purpose of all this was. After some years of people telling me that the two had nothing to do with each other, I'm realizing that obviously they do. For one, I keep being led back to one source, and that is evaluating my life and answering my questions. Its like I just know that until I have re-discovered my purpose or the meaning of it all, I just can't work a 9-5 job or be in any type of relationship that calls for me to "act" like I'm a part of this world, because I clearly am not. I don't think any of us are, but some people haven't had any reasons to question their life I guess, and I've had plenty.

From traumas to near-death experiences and OBE's {out-of-body experiences}, lucid dreaming and all types of weird things. I'm happy inside that I know for once in my life that I'm not just a depressed person, but I am a person in need of answers. They say life is a journey, and from what I've seen there are many people who never wake up to this question and seek the answers; and then there are some that do but are labeled mentally unstable (such as me), and then their are some who have been lucky enough to break the barriers and find peace - but they are very few and far between.

I'm on a solid path now because at least I've recognized that because I can't explain why I cry or feel sadness, I know in my heart that I'm not crazy even if I've acted out in the past, but in the past, I also didn't allow myself to blend my symptoms with my spiritual awakening, and finally something feels right to me. I know when people tell me I need medicine, that I don't need medicine; I don't need to act out either, but I mainly acted out because no one understood me and I didn't understand myself. But, I do now. For some years, I've taken the drama that I created, out of my life and what I have is a journey to explore through my own self Consciousness and more of the ability to handle it. I know that I'm the only one who can answer these questions. Not some nurse, counselor or doctor who has been brainwashed by the system to tell me I'm this or that. They don't even know me.