My Bipolar Husband Wont Get Help

by Melissa
(Madisonville, KY)

My husband was diagnosed ADHD as a child. He also had a back injury in '02 and had surgery for it in '03. We had been married for 2 years and had just had a baby when he got hurt. He was declared disabled in December '04, cannot work, cannot walk long, cannot sit up too long, isn't supposed to lift over 20 lbs, He has since been diagnosed with Severe Depression, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, thyroid issues, bloody stools, acid reflux disease, spastic colon, you name it, he has it. He is on a multitude of medications. He refuses to go to the local mental health center, refuses to take meds for his mental problems. I believe that he is Bipolar. He has severe mood swings, it takes the smallest thing to set him off. I mean, anything.... And if some company, the pharmacy, cashier at Walmart, anyone that could give him a hard time, makes him mad, watch out.... He will be on a rampage. He never hits us, just screams, and makes us feel like dirt. I am beginning to be at my wits end. I don't know how to help him, or how to deal with him and he wasn't always this bad. I have tried to get him to go to a psychiatrist, he wont go. I don't feel right kicking my husband of 9 years to the curb because of mental problems, and he'd have nowhere to go. I don't know how he'd deal with having to start over. And I could just imagine the argument if I were to decide to tell him to leave. What can I do. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I love my husband, but sometimes I hate him......

Melissa

Ben's Answer:

Melissa - I'm sorry you have to deal with such a difficult situation. Your husband would be a challenge for any health professional even if he agreed to get help. It would be hard to pin his behavior on any one thing - and even calling it Bipolar may be too simple an answer. It sounds like a lot of systemic health issues, that may relate to nutritional deficiencies, food allergies , digestive issues. Some of these physical symptoms may actually have been caused by some of the medications he's on. (I'm assuming he's on pain medication, among others). Any of these physical issues - not to mention chronic pain itself - could have a serious impact on his emotional state, and his neurological functioning could relate to it as well. I'd be interested to know what a Naturopathic Doctor (ND) would make of all this, if there are any such specialists in your area. Psychiatric medication might also help - but it's a sort of trial and error process that requires a real commitment and sometimes a lot of patience to figure out what medication helps.

Often a person really has to hit bottom before they get psychiatric treatment because they refuse otherwise. He really needs a doctor who is able to understand all of his health issues and treat him holistically.

I've also seen Energy Medicine/ Energy Psychology treatments like EFT have miraculous results with chronic pain, but again, he'd have to be a willing participant.

Unless he can "see the light" and recognize he needs help, all of this will make no difference. You have to consider your own well being, and that of your child. The negative impact of growing up with a raging, emotionally abusive father is a serious issue to consider. If you are not able to help your husband, should you allow your own life, and your child's life to be ruined along with his?
You can't save a person who doesn't accept help.

No easy answers here. I suggest you choose whatever ultimately brings you the most peace, even if the decision is painful.

Take Care,
Ben