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my husband is also bipolar. he has threatened the lives of my and my children, should I decide to 'pack up and leave'. He has also bragged about coming back through the false security net of a restraining order, in the middle of the night to kill, not just me, but anyone I have involved (neighbors, friends, family, etc), then he tells me what life will be like in prison, it does NOT scare him! He refuses help, so unless I want to die, my only choice is to stay here and listen to the agressive abusive behavior, and threats of hurting me. He started goingto a mixed martial arts class, thinking it would be good for his depressive episodes, and get him out of the house (he cant hold a job).Now he begs me to try to hit him so he can hurt me really bad, but I have never hit him, nor do I wish to, especially now. Treated like a child, if I dont do exactly as he says, he threatens consequences, such as breaking my cell phone, laptop, tearing apart all of my college books, or violence. (by the way, this is my fourth computer, and sixth cell phone, and Ihave a corded phone because he has crushed 6 cordless phones WITH HIS HANDS). I am not allowed contact with anyone at school, due to his paranoid delusions of infidelity. He obsesses over stockpiling gas masks, food and ammunition, and takes half of our grocery bill to stockpile beans noodles, and rice. There is no help for me and my kids...we will NOT be safe anywhere we try to go and hide, he will find us, he has promised that.
A restraining order WILL NOT WORK, I've had them before, but never on HIM, and the police say that they have to physically SEE the offender violating the order.
Ben's Response:
This is a really scary situation. I know the level of police action really varies from one town to another. But I can say that where I live, I've seen guys go to jail for breaking restraining orders - even when the wife has lied to the police in order to get him locked up. This is a case of extreme abuse and his threats of violence are a criminal act. Bipolar Disorder alone does not explain this level of antisocial behavior. I would suggest completely leaving the area with our kids, or going to a abused women's shelter with your kids to stay safe. This is a dangerous situation that is not likely to change on its own, and also subjects your kids (and you) to emotional/psychological trauma that is likely to have long term consequences.
Prayers and Strength to you. I wish you well.
Ben
May 03, 2010 Rating
I am going through the same by: Tamara
My second Husband of three years was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder when he was young. He refuses to take medication and binges on alcohol. I am also at the point where I need to leave this relationship. When he is low he tends to be very verbally and emotionally abusive. I almost think that because he is not happy he doesn't want me to be. I am wondering if his problem is something worse then bi polar. Some times he is so cruel that I am just shocked at the things he says. He has spit in my face 2 times and wakes up the next day like nothing happens. I have had the police to my house 3 times because he was screaming so loud at me. All they do is try and make me go to a shelter but, I feel that I should be able to keep my home. My child is grown up so I don't have her to worry about. before we were married he was a wonderful man and I swear; the very day we married he changed. he also has a lot of stomach related health problems. I know that when I try to leave it is going to be so horrible. I know he will do anything to make my life difficult if I leave. I grew up in a happy home and have a lot of family who care a lot about me. I am almost afraid he will try to hurt me some day. It just seems like the police will not do anything to help until they find you dead. I wish they could forceful take him to a psychiatric ward so he can get help.
Lonely and miserable, Tamara
Ben's Comment:
Just because a person has Bipolar Disorder doesn't excuse them from having to be a decent human being. Even if your husband doesn't remember spitting in your face when you tell him the next day - he should be bending over backwards to make sure he doesn't do it again. If he's binging on alcohol and refusing to treat his Bipolar disorder and his wife is telling him that he's being abusive - then he's an alcoholic in denial. And he's an abuser. Whether bipolar or not.
Bipolar disorder tends to intensify what is already there. Or it will bring to the surface, any "shadow" issues -- those emotions, thoughts and behaviors that are normally suppressed or denied. He may have little to no control in the midst of a manic episode, but it's very likely that alcohol makes him even less inhibited and less in control of his actions. And it's just no excuse. He's not drunk all the time. And he's not manic all the time. Refusing help is a choice.
If you ever did decide to leave and he threatened your safety, I'd suggest getting a restraining order. It can be a good way to protect yourself. Any violation of a restraining order can land him in jail. It might be a sobering experience for him.
