Mania or prophetic wisdom?

Thank you so much for this article.


I read an article a while ago about shamanism and I was immediately intrigued. As someone with bipolar I have spent a large portion of my life misunderstood and hurt by the society's views on mental illness. My last manic episode, a year ago (after a long time of being stable) seemed to be different from the rest. I was very aware of my state and did very well at hiding it. My state was much more ritualistic than it had ever been. I do not preform rituals or in any way believe in "witchcraft." But under my mania I seemed to have preformed some sort of spell that lasted two days, I just remember I was extremely sensitive to smells and colours.

Basically my ritual was meant to banish my "demons" some hurt I had been experiencing for my entire life. I had just let go of a negative relationship and it felt like I was doing some inner cleaning. It was extremely scary because I literally felt like I was fighting them off ... Certain colours protected me and I had made a triangle ( or something ) around myself For protection. A wine glass fell from my counter top as I was trying to fight off the "demons" ( also note I was not hallucinating only able to "smell" it. And it smelled disgusting. For some reason I remember associating it to the lime colour green. Anyway the wine glass managed to break exactly in two and slit each of my wrists. That seriously doesn't sound believable and I remember being so afraid of getting medical attention because I didn't want anyone to think it was done on purpose. and yes, my manic episodes from my teen years were very difficult but I felt very much in control with the last one. But the way people treat you in hospitals despite not even acting out, is unbelievable. And sad. My previous manic episodes I was speaking in rhymes. Like just free verse. I remember a psychiatrist actually looking scared because I do write poetry and it was just flowing with such ease, lol. I'm not sure if it made sense but I remember feeling wise. My first manic episode I had no idea about what some call "archangels " but I remember standing on top of my bed and saying stuff about Raphael or Gabriel. I also have a vague memory of saying Someones name (which I won't mention) and I don't know why. I know someone now named that and it's really intriguing to me. Because a lot of the episode was me talking about my future and my children. But the reality is, I do need medication and do believe my illness should be treated. I just wish I didn't have to be in our western way. (I realize this is a lot but the only time I get to explain how I really feel!)

Thank you.

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Feb 06, 2017
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Finding Wisdom
by: Ben

Thank you for sharing your story. And yes, it is too bad our western model of mental illness is so narrow, and so limited in what it offers. We have to find our own meaning. I hope you are doing well, and getting good care and support.


-Ben

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